i don't need a therapist i need a queen who will hype me up when i complain about my sister

ppl who say blood is thicker than water are dumb. my sister is my biggest op.

dealing with old people and technology has prepared me more than anything else to have patience with children

ik a package of halvah hates to see me coming.....

im sry but old ppl and technology will be the death of me

ok when a book has rly short chapters - chefs kiss

all i can say is thank god i didn't take my husband's last name

i'm crying at songs you've never even considered cryable before

ok american quartet in gossip girl i see you

wait no knight in shining armani is so good

i think watching gossip girl with conan would solve all my problems

petition to call bad cars oranges instead of lemons pls how can you besmirch my family name

gossip girl has saved my life

buzz cut dan humphries is unrivaled i will not apologize

that one poem about raging against the dying light was actually about me wanting banana cream pie since 2 pm and only now getting to eat it

ok I'm sure there's a name for it, but when they sing the final chorus of a song they just hold one note - chefs kiss. like zombieboy by lady gaga or something to believe in by young the giant.....give me more

im sry why do we have a musical guest 😭😭😭😭😭💀
#loveisblind

Our sick society cries out for the powerful corrective that is Mort Crim’s Chump Of The Week

good for her!!!! say no to that man who said women should have rights but only if they listen to what the man says!!! #loveisblind

ok i need a bag of these pre natal gummies immediately

maybe i shouldn't have housed 2 massive tacos...

one of the most beautiful things about life is how humans evolved to do data entry

just kinda feels silly paying an expensive hospital bill when billionaires are getting tax breaks and the president is able to get out of paying everything

y do i always spell biscuits like that

wait i think I immediately need bisquits & apple butter

remember when i tried to find the best version of bloom that radiohead performed on tv and it's been scrubbed.....god will not know peace until i have heard this recording

well i spent the remainder of the company's money this year on a high fidelity cover of "Rock the Casbah" where the the line "Shariff don't like it" is replaced with "Tariff (pronounced Tareef) don't like it". this is it folks. this is how we save democracy.

dated a guy and he asked me what my biggest fear was (idr what i said) and i asked him the same and he said god.....

babe are you ok? you're watching secretary (2002) again

for every pronoun you leave out of email signatures, we will make the DOW JONES go down another point. this is a hostage situation