Maddie

Do you ever remember about Zwan

A frenzied download of “bogs and fens attributes table” for a national park in Australia to settle an argument you are having with yourself in your own head is a true sign that is bedtime

A laptop screen displaying a Microsoft message board with a post titled “Turn predictive text OFF EVERYWHERE EVERY INSTANCE NEVER TO COME ON AGAIN”

How I feel all the time

One very insidious form of union busting is that cars used to be built with horns that sounded supportive. Now they’re all built with a hostile beep. This is clearly to demoralise the picket lines.

I still think “Rauuuuul” every time I hear “Werewolves of London”

Such an egregious and deliberate data breach. He should be struck off, can’t understand why he wasn’t

Oh my god. The one feral cat I could “trap” by just picking up ate both steaks in six minutes flat

At a job interview and you open your phone and there’s a search open for “Dutch sperm guy”

I’m trying to TNR these 50 barn cats so I put out two delicious plates of cooked meat to convince them my back door is the place to be. This was at like 5pm but they haven’t copped to it yet. I have to go to bed now, and I know I’m going to be woken up by the most insane eating sounds all night long

I never put “attention to detail” in job applications because I have a theory that this makes the recruiters look for typos then smugly reject you

His entire leadership has been about gutting the party of any politicians who were actually Labour, then replacing them with the most unlikable Tory dickheads possible. He has always been in the pocket of the US. He is awful and how anyone ever thought otherwise is beyond me

About to get on a flight from America back to Ireland and there are two men at the gate with leather hats and fiddle cases. It needs to be made illegal to make a single noise on any flight between America and Ireland.

They’re like a “last days of Babylon” sort of delightful. If we’re gonna go out, we may as well do it with 30mil of juviderm and a cigarette that’s been lit at the wrong end

I have a theory that instagram comment language (“…I fear”, “it’s not that deep”, “is it acoustic”) is introducing a new variety of callousness into how people think about and interact with other humans

Was just thinking the other day about how many of the things people trot out as mindblowing facts about deception by states or industries—things which most of society now accepts as true—are probably just lies made up by freakonomics in 2010

There is a type of like pop science journalism geared toward educated liberals (your Kara swishers, your freakonomics, etc) that I think has the potential to rot your brain nearly as much as Joe Rogan type stuff

Listening Lyric FM (classical music station) this morning. Someone requested a song from the Babe: Pig in the City soundtrack and they played it

Love showing my cats videos of catfluencers and whispering “are you catfluenced”

Although I do appreciate Snapchat recommending names from my phone like “Richard Pub Quiz” or “Ste Double Glazing Installer”

Your phone should communicate data with apps to tell them if you and another person exchanged hundreds of texts per day five years ago then abruptly stopped and unfollowed each other on instagram, because OBVIOUSLY you do know them, and OBVIOUSLY you do not want to add them in Snapchat

Imagine being the richest man on earth, and also the ugliest man on earth. How does he do it

Right? “Oh you’re so OCD! I bet your house is soooo organised!”

Thank you, but actually I live almost exclusively in a 2x2 foot filth pit at one end of the couch, and the rest of the house is empty, because all my energy goes into pretending to be an organised person when I’m at work

Fucking RTÉ commentators will literally call Paris “Paree” but refuse to even try to say the names of Japanese players correctly

The interior of this place is hideous. What is “European cafe” about this? It looks European in that it looks like someone set up an approved premises inside of a former Toby Carvery, I guess

Have a job interview coming up, googled to see what the deal is. Found a guy on Reddit who claims the employer told him “not to even bother” because he was “too good” for the job, so of course I fell down a delightful rabbit hole of his totally, unequivocally wrong replies in other threads

The weird bullying is just too much so I think I’ll have to quit my job, which is a shame because the work is relaxing and the hours very reasonable. I thought this was the answer to burnout, but it’s not. Turns out jobs that don’t feel like work also have people who don’t understand what work is.

Imagine having to be in the ring with Logan Paul and not just earnestly battering the shit out of him

The biggest problem with doing research in a field of about 50 total researchers is that half of them will be the enemies of your advisor

All democrats were inspired to go into politics by sim city 2000

Wild that a country that’s trying to force people to modernise their heating can also tell us “your power will be restored in seven days, we apologise for any inconvenience”