𖤐 I̲n̲d̲i̲s̲t̲a̲r̲r̲ 𖤐

Funny how I NEVER open this app very often these days, yet this is what I see.

How about some genuine love from a genuine witch, who actually knows you?

Love you, Matty.
Peace

🌒🌕🌘
💜

[bookstore]

ME: do you have any books about the study of plants?

CLERK: botany?

ME: no that's why I'm here

turns out i don’t quit bad habits so much as shuffle them around a little

"Your response to stimuli is stimuli to me" that's so seductive but I assure you I can silent disco without the cap guns

new DC superhero just dropped

*removes gag ball to make Face ID purchase

I imagine what all of you smell like based on your profile pic

i really hate being the center of attention all the time *adjusts sombrero

Me, flirting

me: *waxes poetic*
poetic: just leave a landing strip

[friend] omg youve lost so much weight whats your secret

[me] haha thank you groceries cost twice as much now

Like Miss Cleo, but I'm here to argue with you.

Call me now.

starting a tiktok creator journey to become the blow job king of chicago

Have you tried filling your kitchen sink with warm soapy water about it?

Peak Gen X christmas decor

*quietly beatboxing while the judge delivers my sentence

Since social media is terrible now, I mainly go online to argue with Australians about what day it is.

hinged enough to be relatable, unhinged enough to be entertaining.

I’d adjust my meds for you.

sorry guys dirty deeds no longer done dirt cheap in 2025 but i think you'll still find my rates competitive

You know you’re getting old when you’re waking up on New Year’s Day about the same time you used to get home on New Year’s Eve.

I’ve reached the age where I take the ibuprofen before I go out.

A cat completely tangled up in tape from a cassette.

♫ psycho killer, cat cassette ♫

“I'm worth it" I whisper as I take a multivitamin for the first time in weeks

HIM: Will you please be serious for a minute?

ME: *shakes Magic 8 Ball* mmm ask again later

**drawschalk outline around that other app**

When I cook breakfast the kids call it “goth breakfast” because I burn everything.