Uffdafuckingda

If you delete a post after I comment on it, I will always believe you deleted because I commented on it.

If you’re not day drinking, are you even on vacation?

I hope this email fists you well

Woke up at the cottage again.

if you're still in line you really need to re-evaluate your line choices

Here at bluesky we're not posting into the void we're posting *alongside* the void

Sorry i’m late, my morning fart ritual ran long.

Watching hummingbirds be dicks to each other reminds you that you can’t escape assholes in this world.

Well, shit. I woke up again.

Cottage life is the best life.

It’s 2025. Can we PUHLEASE do something about the background noise/music being loud as fuck, but the vocals being quiet as church mice??

Y’all want people to watch your shit, but hell. That alone is enough to piss me the fuck off and turn off everything 😮‍💨🙄

Nothing agitates me more than a loud TV

Booooo

I get so irritated when I can't find the gif I want to use.

It's not right that trucks have a monopoly, in my opinion all inventions should have a "Monster" variant. Get me a great big fucked-up toaster.

Squirrel with its arms out and mouth open like it's saying stop

🎶STOP RIGHT THERE!
I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW!
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,
DO YOU LOVE ME, WILL YOU LOVE ME FOREVER...🎶

[trying to fill the silence on a first date]

so you got a favorite type of bean?

Cause of death: back blown out

The sultry slip of the sundress strap off the shoulder of the shlinky sheductressh oh no I’m doing my Sean Connery again

every bluesky gets one Emma™

Marketplace listing SOLD - Classic roll-top desk message from buyer: hi i'm still loving the desk. i would love to know more about the history behind it, if you are willing to share... what type of work was done here? letter writing? etc? draft reply: it was mostly used to store my father in laws's pornography collection. butt stuff mostly, he had very specific tastes.

the key to a 5 star marketplace rating is never to ignore the post-sale service

Already threatened to hit someone with a focaccia and it's barely past 9am

*casting a hex on your pillow to suck the dopamine from your brain*

(wakes up grumpy)

A bent orange traffic cone. Caption: So hot today, our state flower melted.

So hot today, our state flower melted.

Puddy would fix me. And when I say puddy, I mean pudding.

Why do medications always have side effects like 'anal leakage' and 'suicidal thoughts"?
Why not 'invisibility' or 'spontaneous orgasms"?

Pats my bike seat, get on and I’ll drive standing up.