Zira, Jodi, & Priscilla

I had no expectations, but I really enjoyed the SPINAL TAP sequel. Let’s not ever forget that it should’ve been Lars.

I got a haircut today. Some people gossip with their stylist; I talk about aliens & Bigfoot with mine.

As an Austinite, I know exactly how much the Yogurt Shop Murders has affected this city. I’m glad more attention is finally being brought to the case.

Happy Gotcha Day, Zira! We love you more than anything in the world.

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Maybe it’s time to call in the big guns to take him down.

I hope Ozzy is enjoying all the brown M&Ms in the big green room in the sky.

Just saw a mom at Buc-ee’s yelling at her kid to go stand next to the beaver so she could take a photo.

The only thing more humiliating than getting caught cheating at a Coldplay concert is being caught at a Coldplay concert.

If it weren’t for HEB, this entire state would fall apart.

Men will literally fly to Europe to see Oasis instead of going to therapy.

Just sit your ass down, America. You ain’t got shit to celebrate today.

RIP Mr. Blonde

I love that Mariska Hargitay is repping her Eras Tour gear in the Jayne Mansfield documentary.

Save Beloved Family Pig from Relocation in Staten Island Can you spare a minute to help this campaign?

Please sign! chng.it/jGCbwSMz44

For being absurdly rich, the Bezos wedding invitation looks like some broke ass Dollar Tree shit.

My worlds are colliding with Taylor at this FLA/EDM game. #stanleycupfinals

Few things are as exciting as a brand new HEB in your neighborhood.

Town Lake Serial Killer has a better ring to it. #Austin

My first plumerias of the year and they smell heavenly!

I wish both these teams would lose. However, I want FL to lose a little more. #StanleyCupFinals

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Three goals in five fucking minutes?! My heart is shattered. Come on Stars, you’re better than that. #StanleyCupPlayoffs

Being a Stars fan means being a glutton for punishment.

Stopped by the former Branch Davidian compound while in Waco.

I just really need the Stars to wrap up this series so I can go to bed at a decent time for a little while. #stanleycupplayoffs

Ben & Jerry’s has done more for this country than our own government.

a group of mascots are standing on a ice rink and one of them is pointing . ALT: a group of mascots are standing on a ice rink and one of them is pointing .

Let’s Go Stars!

Got damn, I’ve been waiting all season for someone to be eaten by a gator.

Happy Alien Day to all who celebrate. #LV426

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You’re killing me, Dallas! Ima need some Lorazepam just to make it through playoffs.