sar

mustache blindness

thank god the influencers are here

me too bitch but get it together. you have a job

my headphones hanging on for dear fucking life

get their fucking asses. there have been holes in my kitchen floor for five years.

the best piece of media ends with a lesbian wedding and i'm sobbing over all of it. don't fucking look at me

i put off the taz balance finale until today and i'm literally sobbing at my desk just trying to work but i literally can't stop crying onto my tablet

i ghosted a girl once because i asked what kind of dog her family had and she said "just a dog lol". no one wants to play with me. no one wants to have fun. i asked someone about mothman recently and they wouldn't get into the weeds at all about cryptids. do i have impossibly high standards?

my profile is so full of fun and interesting things to discuss. and these people won't ask me anything about any of it.

manifesting someone on a dating app who asks me questions and not just one word answers the questions i ask until i stop responding

saw someone call the halftime performance gay and it’s like well there was a heterosexual marriage in it

oooo lady gagita

Photo of Ichiro wearing shades and his quote below, reading, "Who the f--- is Tom Brady?"

A propos of nothing #GoHawks

i love to block people who try to start arguments online. i don't waste my time arguing on social media. i'm not desperate to dunk on anyone because i have good things in my life. i just block people and move on.

imagine you're the key food employee ringing me up for a pack of nathan's famous and buns

i think i would be fine to go to the store to get hot dogs

sorry let me also say??? cis het white women also love to do this shit to black women and women of color. if it's not a cis white woman who is straight or they can pretend she's straight, she doesn't make the women's history rah rah graphics.

you have to choose. are you showing up in march for women's history month where you get to be a women? or are you showing up in june for pride where you're gay? this isn't even beginning to touch on the treatment trans women receive.

the amount of work lesbians have done and continue to do for women's equality just for cis het women to talk about them and completely ignore that they're lesbians. you don't get to be a woman and a lesbian to heterosexual women.

activated like a fucking sleeper agent when someone said the original name for the prospects at work today

Child at the podium: “A woo woo woo.”

Mamdani: That’s how I felt when we came up with this plan. Together, we will expand the idea of what is possible in our city—and what sounds and noises we can make at a press conference.

we just renamed brooklyn bridge park "margaritaville"

just know!!! if there's drama! i know about it! and i'm saying things!

i'm being mean!!!! my jokes are so good but i shan't repeat them!!!!

yeah!! if you listen to "25 minutes to go" by johnny cash, you will absolutely hear a shel silverstein poem. it's morbid but so funny and weird

Colleen Hoover, chugging from a bottle of sancerre:

he wrote "a boy named sue" for johnny cash, he wrote a bunch with waylon jennings and he wrote some for loretta lynn. he wrote a few that ended up being covered by dr hook and the medicine show (my favorite being "freaking at the freaker's ball")! and when you know he wrote it, you can't unknow it

because he wrote??? so many bangers.

my favorite game to play when listening to my pepaw music is "is this a shel silverstein song"