Dan 🍅

I think Cleveland as a collective need to start calling MGK Mr. Kelly from now on.

You know if I were a gambling man I’d bet my ass

The fact that I can have my windows open again is actually saving me

🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼

When the cats away….. the milk.

My house has never smelled better

When work doesn’t give you banana bread dude, give yourself banana bread dude!

How you gonna judge Sabrina Carpenter for “setting women back 50 years” and then do the same thing to yourself for some bozo from Vermont?

You know they invited cigar smoking so men could talk about their feelings

Although I hate it. It is kinda poetry that the BBB was passed on the 4th of July. A day we left an oppressive king that taxed it’s citizens too much. Our self proclaimed king passed a bill putting us in more debt and raising taxes for us. Ironic isn’t it

You know how Christians have the what would Jesus do bracelets? Yeah all I got for that when I go to say or do something is my college roommates saying “God Dan, you’re so white”

So when we making Israel the 51st state?

Been goofin too much this next week we lock in!

It’s crazy when the all you can eat sushi is cheaper than all the other local sushi spots

Dude LinkedIn needs to chilll with the notifications. The needy levels are giving Facebook

People calling 5/5-5/9 national short king week is wilddddd

You remember in high school when they told you there’s no such thing as cold it’s just lacking thermal energy? That’s how my bank account feels sometimes. I’m not broke I’m just lacking disposable income.

I do appreciate the irony that when Wordle got big a few years back I skipped it cause I wanted it to be an app and now I’m glad it’s a website cause it doesn’t take up space on my phone

Yoo Kanye really is the DEI hire Nazi

“woman in a man’s field?” honey, i’d never go to mansfield #ohiojokes #ohiohumor #ohio #skibiditoilet

I need @mictekesky.bsky.social cry @awgates.bsky.social “the eat GOD intended” 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Some days you hit the sauna and some days the sauna hits you 😵

My flabber has been ghasted

👊🇺🇸🔥

Am I allowed to say stoked in a LinkedIn post? It’s already too late I did it but I just wanted to check.

Sundays are for a good long run and starting the lord or the rings marathon

Not me freaking out about taxes for no reason for my tax guy to roll up and be the chillest about a basic question lmao

Working an auction for a school and the kiddos are dancing now. How has music not changed since I was in middle/high school?

Blood moon rising

Soooo where do I get me a green Guinness 😈