jordan

your honor my client was fujoshing out

After seeing tiktoks of people squeezing blackheads out of their sphinx cat’s chin pores I lowkey think we should stigmatize owning them.

My notoriously skittish cat even likes him. I’m in danger

An online order confirmation for 3 rolls of 500 label stickers reading “for rectal use only”, “animal in heat”, and “will bite”

Finally succumbed to the most effective targeted ad I’ve ever gotten. Hope my friends like their Christmas gifts.

I don’t think the usps should be allowed to start my daily mail digest with “you have 1 mailpiece arriving soon” if I open that email and it’s just a digital ad.

Down horrendous for a boy with long hair and a cunty little earring please put me out of my misery

Pharmacist asked how to spell my last name and I couldn’t remember the phonetic military alphabet so for some reason I decided “G as in Gargoyle” would get my point across

Concept: angel atop a Christmas tree but its a Neon Genesis Evangelion angel

Testing out a new joke for when I see my nieces and nephews over thx giving:

Why was six afraid of seven?
Sick seven (sounds like 6-7)

Mighty nein animated series is sooooo good those are my blorbos

Every time a man on a dating app thinks telling me I look like Hayley Williams is a good opening line I absorb a year of his lifespan into my own

I think the willingness to hunt for a cool rock is a sign of character.

Concept: cool rock party where I tell everyone to bring a cool rock and they found (as in scavenged in the wild, you can’t buy a cool rock and regift it) and we debate on which is the coolest rock

My family is trying to argue that the cat I see outside belongs to someone and I can’t just take it, which, to me, if you’re letting a cat outside you’re basically saying you’re fine with it getting run over or eaten by other wildlife, so if it disappears to a good home would they even know better?

if you're cold they're cold, bring them inside

A selfie of the poster, a white woman with red and blonde hair, grinning proudly in front of a large aquarium tank. Behind her is a massive (over 6ft long) arapaima, a freshwater fish that is mostly black with scattered red scales towards its tail end)

I caught an arapaima! How did it get here? Arapaiknow!

Hi Claire mysillycomics I got to gently touch a sturgeon and I thought of you

Britney Spears in an old interview saying “everyone has been doing emails”

Mine literally just graduated me to monthly and I’m feeling like I’m the most mentally stable person this earth has ever seen

Got to see a lil gar today, it’s still gar week in my heart

It’s crazy how I didn’t even unfollow people but when I get back on that app there’s like. 5 posts in the week since I last logged on. No one posting anymore except the bots

Being in a city with robust public transit is going to make it so hard to go back to my car centric state 😔

I place my mustard packet in the upside down position to indicate country ham and with that I end my turn

I am once again forcing friends to watch the Waffle House magic marker system training video

Using a different persons YouTube account on the bnb tv every day to maximize our terror

genuinely this feels like it has the potential to be the first step in something big because unlike a Hope President, which allows people to think "OK I'm done," a distant Hope Mayor is something you see and then want for your own city

Live every week like it’s gar week

A small fluffy dilute tortie sitting on the poster’s chest. The cats nose is millimeters away from my mouth. I am giving a side eye towards the camera like a nervous dog

A very similar picture, though taken in a different location hours later. The poster is looking at the camera with an exasperated expression.

Cat violating my desire for personal space

The last several trips I’ve been on were with A Man ™ where I planned everything and he just wanted to stay in the room gaming. I’m about to travel with a project manager lesbian virgo and you better believe she has made us multiple lists of activities and bars to pick from. Life is beautiful again

You have no idea