The Gospel According to 🌙

Donald Trump signs order to 'make America's showers great again' The US president says he wants to "take care of my beautiful hair" as he eases water flow rules.

America’s showers will be great again (by executive order). What’s next? Toilets you can flush Depends down?

www.bbc.com/news/article...

Lionsgate pulls Saw XI from schedule despite Jigsaw's puppet insisting he's an employed life coach Lionsgate pulls Saw XI from schedule despite Jigsaw's puppet insisting he's an employed life coach

SAW part ELEVEN is deemed too “Luigi” for release?

Apparently some things shouldn’t go up to eleven.

www.avclub.com/saw-xi-relea...

Texas bill targets 'furries,' banning non-human behavior in schools A new Texas bill, known as the FURRIES Act, would ban non-human behaviors in public schools, including the use of litter boxes and wearing animal accessories.

Meanwhile in Texas, this year’s Satanic Panic is FURRIES!!!

www.fox4news.com/news/texas-b...

On-ice ceremony to celebrate Alex Ovechkin breaking Wayne Gretzky’s NHL goals record will be limited to seven minutes The NHL is reportedly deep into discussions and planning for what exactly will take place on the ice whenever Alex Ovechkin breaks…

When it happens, the Choreography and Merriment department will be brought in for precisely 7 minutes of Ovechkin love:

russianmachineneverbreaks.com/2025/03/22/a...

Eddie Jordan passes away aged 76 following cancer battle The former F1 team boss-turned-TV pundit announced his diagnosis in 2024.

F1 mourns the loss of the sport’s most eccentric character (not named Bernie) as the death of Eddie Jordan is announced.

RIP, you absolute LEGEND!

racingnews365.com/eddie-jordan...

YouTube video by WKRN News 2 Canadian airline cancels flights to Nashville

Damn! Canadians aren’t even going to the GOOD cities in the Untied States right now…they’re even saying “no thanks” to NASHVILLE!!!

😢

youtu.be/wyvpyJqHDZw?...

Tornado outbreak live updates: 36 dead in cross-country storm system A severe weather outbreak has brought violent, long-track tornadoes to parts of the South, with damaging winds of up to 80 mph and large hail.

“Thoughts and prayers”

The newly-renamed Gulf of Merica has gifted the eastern seaboard of the Untied States with an array of storms and tornadoes, causing the sort of carnage-filled weekend that really shouldn’t have been allowed to happened after that name change!

abcnews.go.com/US/live-upda...

Tesla Claims It Sold 8,653 Cars In Three Days But The Canadian Government Doesn’t Buy It - The Autopian Tesla claims to have sold more than 8,600 cars in Canada during the last few days of rebate eligibility, raising government eyebrows.

A suspicious number of Swasticars have been reported as “sold” in Canada on the last day of a major rebate eligibility. A little sus?

www.theautopian.com/tesla-claims...

Trump turns the White House lawn into a Tesla showroom The president threw Elon Musk a lifeline with an event, livestreamed on X, where he touted the cars and said he would buy one.

The only thing missing was Sammy Hagar parachuting onto the White House lawn…

www.nbcnews.com/tech/elon-mu...

Tesla Sales Fall Off A Cliff Globally, Including Germany, Australia, And China | Carscoops German sales were down by a massive 76.3% last month, with Australia posting a similar 71.9% decline

Someone needs a rebrand:

www.carscoops.com/2025/03/tesl...

YouTube video by Rebel Yell Liquid Sky The Armed (Bernie Sanders Fight Oligarchy Tour, Warren, MI) - 03-08-2025 (Detroit Hardcore Punk)

youtu.be/I6Ak0CxN-e0?...

LIVE from Warren, MI: Fighting Oligarchy in America YouTube video by Bernie Sanders

The Armed opened up for Bernie Sanders today!!!

⋈

www.youtube.com/live/0gsGFib...

Trump announces new 250% tariff on Canada starting almost immediately Trump is imposing a new tariff on Canada, just 24 hours after he announced he was pausing the 25% tariff on most Canadian goods. Newsweek's live blog is closed.

Think of those poor Latifis!!!

www.newsweek.com/trump-admini...

Shoppers turn to smaller food brands, cutting into Unilever, P&G profits Big Food's worst nightmare is unfolding across U.S. supermarket aisles.

Big Food is seeing big problems as consumers shift to support underdog brands and multinationals change up their CEO’s (to avoid detection?)…

www.reuters.com/business/ret...

Donald Trump would replace Benjamin Franklin on $100 bill under GOP bill Republican Brandon Gill said he plans to introduce a bill to feature Trump's likeness on the $100 note at the end of his current term.

There are two ways to make this happen…

www.newsweek.com/donald-trump...

JD Vance told to ‘go ski in Russia’ as protesters invade family trip to the slopes Crowds lined Route 100 near the Sugarbush ski resort in Waitsfield where Vance was visiting with his family to protest following the explosive Oval Office meeting

“Go ski in Russia, you couchfucker!”

JD Vance and her family were met with protestors in their ski trip to Vermont this weekend:

www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...

Elections Ontario says NDP didn't report southwest candidate's withdrawal, so over 4,700 votes didn't count | CBC News The NDP failed to notify election officials that its candidate in the riding of Elgin-Middlesex-London had withdrawn, according to Elections Ontario, resulting in over 4,700 votes going nowhere.

Post-election shenanigans…

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/...

‘This guy’s a maniac’: NL Premier Andrew Furey steps down, citing challenge of dealing with Donald Trump Newfoundland and Labrador Premier Andrew Furey says he doesn’t have the stomach for another term dealing with the U.S. president’s threats.

If only Uncle Doug followed in this guy’s footsteps:

www.thestar.com/politics/fed...

Lake Erie almost froze over this winter for the first time since 1996…

www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7467734

'F This BS': MAGA World Melts Down After Philadelphia Eagles Decline Trump's White House Invite The Philadelphia Eagles have caused a stir by reportedly turning down an invitation to visit the White House after their Super Bowl win, sparking a furious backlash from MAGA supporters.

The Philadelphia Eagles rightly shat on their invite to the “White House”:

dailyboulder.com/f-this-bs-ma...

Jewish man mistakes two Israeli tourists for Palestinians and opens fire on them in Miami Victims reportedly posted ‘death to Arabs’ on social media after shooting while suspect held on attempted murder charges

Of course this happened in Florida:

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

Every 2025 F1 car livery after their F1 75 Live unveilings Check out all 10 liveries following their grand reveal at F1 75 Live...

F1 booked an arena last night to show off the teams’ 2025 liveries. Host Jack Whitehall noted “you know your sport is ridiculously minted when you book the O2 for an event to announce the colour of a load of cars, which are EXACTLY the same as last season.”
www.formula1.com/en/latest/ar...

Tesla Cybertruck owner ponders leaving MA with wife and kids over death threats, abuse A Tesla Cybertruck owner is considering moving with his wife and three children over the abuse and harassment being directed at his vehicle.

I hear Mars is a great place for douchebags and Cybercucks to relocate to…

www.teslarati.com/tesla-owner-...

Why a former CSIS official says the U.S. is positioned for ‘another 9/11’ - National | Globalnews.ca Former CSIS executive manager Dan Stanton said that President Donald Trump was 'degrading the efficiency' of U.S. intelligence through layoffs and buyouts of officials.

Cuts to “frivolous spending” coupled with actions that are pissing off the world are predicted to open the US vulnerabilities up to a repeat of 9/11 (times 1000, obviously).

globalnews.ca/news/1101991...

This must have been taken before he punched himself in the face!

Haven’t they been stripped of their Boy Band card yet?
Tiesto must have had other commitments in Ibiza…

1/29: First plane crash in 16 years in DC
1/31: Crash in Philly
2/5: Delta flight struck in Seattle
2/6: Flight wrecks in Alaska
2/10: Crash in Scottsdale
2/12: Military jet crashes in San Diego
2/16: Crash in Covington, GA

7 crashes since the WH congratulated itself for “restoring aviation safety”

Sheryl Crow:

“My parents always said you are who you hang out with.
There comes a time when you have to decide who you are willing to align with. So long Tesla.
Money donated to NPR, which is under threat by President Musk, in hopes the truth will…find its way to those willing to know [it].”

Trolling Trump, Illinois governor declares Lake Michigan is now Lake Illinois - National | Globalnews.ca Gov. JB Pritzker also joked that his state would be annexing Green Bay, Wis.., poking fun at Trump's efforts to buy Greenland.

Would you look at that? Lake Michigan is now Lake ILLINOIS?!?

globalnews.ca/news/1101603...