Josh Morgan

a man in a tuxedo is surrounded by confetti and the word starz is on the bottom left Alt: KB in a tuxedo is surrounded by confetti and sweet dance moves from the end of Footloose (suck it, john lithgow!)

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was, wait, Kevin Bacon?

welcome to ur 40s

if u blink too hard, u will throw ur back out

My out of office message just says "Chasing Waterfalls"

don draper finding contentment in the last scene of made men

smoking weed until i forget we have a government

Everyday can be a half day if you just leave.

*Boomhauer voice* well I guess it rains down there in that daggon Africa

The mass of the ass divided by the heat of the meat equals the angle of the dangle.
Happy Pi Day!

Greetings, This email is in reference to the email dated February 22, 2025. In that email, you indicated that I needed to tell you what I did last week, in several bullet points I drank a whiskey drink I drank a vodka drink I drank a lager drink I drank a cider drink I sang the songs that remind me of the good times I sang the songs that remind me of the better times I got knocked down But I got up again You're never gonna keep me down I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down Please direct all further inquiries about this matter to my supervisor.

I told OPM what I did last week

Live every day like it’s your last. Key a cop car. Eat five hot dogs. Call your boss a taint. Who cares anymore?

Not many people know this, but Chad is a country named after that guy from Nickleback. This is how I remind you.

It does need a little better placement. It’s clear the middle is the favorite choice. Is it Spree, regular M&Ms? I can’t tell and I’m more bothered by that after eating way too many coin operated snacks over the years 😂

Lavar Burton as Jordie la Forge in Start Trek saying no way to the Kombucha Lady making first an ew no face, and then a hmmm maybe face. Below is Jordie la Forge saying awww yeah to Luigi Mangione making a skeptical face then a cute puppyish oh okay maybe face

Told my husband that I was the prettiest girl at Walmart today and he replied “No offense sweetie, but I’ve been the prettiest girl at Walmart”

Now that OSHA is going away, we’re excited to announce our newest attraction, “Chimps in Golf Carts Helping Our Maintenance Crews”

I think Monday mornings would have been more enjoyable if I was a trust fund baby.

You: They did the math.

Me: ᵀʰᵉʸ ᵈⁱᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵒⁿˢᵗᵉʳ ᵐᵃᵗʰ

You: What was that?

Me: Nothing.

Me three hours later in a whisper: ᴵᵗ ʷᵃˢ ᵃ ᵍʳᵃᵛᵉʸᵃʳᵈ ᵍʳᵃᵖʰ

MoonPie Twitter post: Effective immediately To whom it may concern: Thanks to recent geographical updates, we are excited to announce that the land mass previously known as Florida will now be referred to as MoonPieTown. "But Florida is a state," you say. No, Florida was a state. Now it's MoonPie Town. We can just do this now! Please continue to enjoy our delicious marshmallow sandwiches and don't think too much about it :) MoonPie

MoonPie renaming Florida is hands down the best retitling we’ve gotten out of this entire mess.

No one has ever lost a rap beef harder and I am including people who got shot to death.

a title card in the style of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" that reads: "The Gang Sneaks Onto Taylor Swift's Jet"

today

Repost if you used an invite code to join this site

getting banned from r/ratm for referring to the band as "audioslave with zack de la rocha"

me: these edibles suck.

(half hour later)
*eating a party size bag of doritos while showering

I’m kinda rooting for the UFO’s.

US Senate? Dudes, please fix the gov't coup so we can get back to posting dumbass jokes about like Alf and the boys are back in town

"My god, you look like hell. What happened?"

- practicing for my upcoming high school reunion

Idiocracy prepared me for some of this

I strap a harmonica to my mouth when I go jogging so I can watch everyone panic as they hear me coming round corners.