Ed Reck

I love Austin, TX. I don’t get here often enough. A small oasis of great food, great music, culture and intelligence in the middle of a MAGA moron wasteland. These people deserve better than being stuck in Texas.

So Texas Republicans have now set up a TIP LINE to rat out the Texas Democrats

So PLEASE, for the sake of the public, DO NOT FLOOD THIS NUMBER with tips on Bigfoot sightings, UFO sightings, or asking why Trump is on “the list”

1-866-786-5972

Thank you!

Every bathroom in their home is gender neutral. All of them. When you meet one of these MAGA idiots, ask them what they are doing about that. Then sit back and laugh.

Getting robbed by a guy in heelys

life lesson refused #1: all the mustard comes out of last 10% of squeeze container or none of it does

- Can I pet your cat?
- Sure, I’ll get the first aid kit.

Guy in yellow suit behind tree rubbing hands together meme

Me: [walks into supermarket]

The most fucked up shopping cart there:

Two stills from the television show Peaky Blinders showing Thomas Shelby yelling at his brothers. Text in first panel says "no fighting." Text in second panel says "no fucking fighting."

when my cats start playing a little too rough

Definitely funnier

Some Bounce House Postcards for your feed ✉️

We’re hosting a special ask me anything session with UCF running back Myles Montgomery next week. If you want to ask Myles a question, go to our message board at Knights247.com. If you don’t have a 247 account yet, get one here: 247sports.com/college/cent...

We all worked so hard to get everyone to move to Threads and then…Zuck. I’m sure most people have fatigue at this point.

He buys his cigars at the Corona down the street. So humble and gracious. Amazing person - glad he was there when you needed him!

Happy Birthday to my favorite neighbor!

💯

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is routinely startled by the sound of my freezer making ice

The pessimist sees the dark tunnel.
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel.
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel.
The engineer sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

Son, while eating: i love me some bologna. I forget, does bologna come from a chicken, a cow or a pig?

Me: yes

Tyrannosaurus Sext: i wanna smack dat ass!

*Cries cuz he can't. Tries to put phone in pocket. Can't. Sexts another dinosaur. Cries.

So high I turned up the brightness on the TV to taste the subtitles.

Yes, your mother and I knew we lived in a failing state on a planet suffering ecological cataclysm when we brought you into the world. So, do you have any ideas or...

It's like...you know when the moon sorta hits your eye? You know? And it's kinda like a pizza? Like a pizza moon hitting you in the eye? I'm not explaining it right, look I really like this girl

[birthday party]

MEDUSA, rubbing the bridge of her nose: who got me a Pet Rock

Those of us who were around when it first dropped all agree that the original DuckTales theme was a fucking banger.