Willie Fitzgerald

Calling a frog on the toad phone.

ALL HAIL DUKE

to this day, jay's dad driving through "guernica" with a monster truck and saying, scornfully, "take that, *guernica*" remains one of the funniest things i've ever seen

(show looks incredible, bangin theme song)

stephen root's character looks like Jay Sherman's dad if he ran a 70s porn studio and I think that's beautiful

bongo, a one eared rabbit, from matt groening's "life in hell" comic

greg bovino stepped out from under his designated magnifying glass and they just plain lost him

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

oh my GOD

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

getting a print sub to the onion for my birthday made my year significantly better. my personal favorite joke was one of their fake ads:

For me, 2025 will always be the year I was on a whisky distillery tour in the Inner Hebrides and put my hand in my pocket and found a balled-up straw wrapper and started playing with it and was like “wait, when did I last use a straw?” and then the straw wrapper stung me because it was a large bee

actually these are DeVille-ed eggs. boiled em in the radiator of my uncle's cadillac

"those who can, *doot*; those who can't, teach"
- me mocking my trumpet instructor

ME: (first day practicing Bug Law) May it please the Court—
BUG JUDGE: (sternly) Bug Court.

a human is just a jailbroken monkey

i resent having to know anything about or read anything by megan mcardle, whose name sounds like the noise you'd make if you got punched in the stomach while gargling

mr onion, 15 years ago at the Candlelight Lounge i saw a trumpet player storm out of a performance—mid-song—only for another trumpet player in the audience to go out to his car, grab his trumpet, and sit in—all during the same song. maybe this is commonplace for NOLA locals but I was agog. Great bar

we're like two months out from a gene-editing company calling itself Sephiroth

I sent this video to my friend and she got mad at me

ants: nature's fellas

achieving peak Home for Christmas: reading a book about the history of longitude and eating almost nothing but bread and cheese

DVD is short for "Da ViDeo"

Shout out to my road dogg Pot Bear

slym jym

each option is funnier than the last

Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet

Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night