Nic Chickenfrecklez

Orange kitten Marty standing up on his back feet with an adorable look on his face

Orange kitten Marty standing up on his back legs with a curious look on his face

Marty’s face and stance when he hears big sister Phoebe eating her food gives me the goddamn giggles

Arwen the reddish Easter egger hen has a beard…and an attitude when she wants cuddles.

She’s a 10 but she pecks my boobs every day.

My niece named her dog Giselle but calls her Jizzball and Jizzy and Jizzgirl all the time… so she’s definitely doing her part!

Just to be clear, my kitten fell down the stairs and got his head bonked by the fridge door, not the spouse….

It’s me, sitting with my kitten on my chest.. the text reads: kitten mom of the year

My spouse sent me this after I realized I shut the refrigerator while my kitten had been inside.
Later that day, I watched as he fell down the stairs.
Then I accidentally closed the fridge door on his head.
Marty is ok.. but…
How do orange kittens with adhd humans even make it to adulthood???

Doctor: *aggressively palpating my abdomen*

Me: This reminds me of the episode of the Simpsons where the doctor pushes on Homer’s belly and times how long it takes to stop jiggling…

Why didn’t anybody warn me that kittens poop all the damn time. Sooo many turds. What else do I need to know?

Marty the orange kitten being held upside down

Marty the orange kitten pulls on the tail of his toy

Marty the orange kitten trying to attack the camera with his baby teefs

Little menace 🥰

A little orange kitten pounces at the camera. His name is Marty.

I DID NOT WANT A KITTEN

Giselle is a beautiful black and white husky/german shepherd mix. One of her eyes is an icy blue.

This is Jizzy…

My 19 year old niece has a dog named Giselle.
She calls her Jizzy and Jizzball.
Discussing her dog in public is very.. hard.

Be the change you wish to see in the world

*spontaneously combusts*

ME: there’s a full moon this Easter, you know what that means

THEM:

ME:

THEM: werewolf Jesus?

ME: *cocking shotgun* werewolf Jesus

a woman is covering her mouth with her hands in front of a sign that says ellen ALT: a woman is covering her mouth with her hands in front of a sign that says ellen

I needed this… I love what you do so much

There are people who need to live with constant drama and conflict because peace and quiet would leave them alone with the person they hate the most... themselves.

ME: What the world needs now

BURT BACHARACH: is love, sweet love

ME: *scribbling out ‘fucken pterodactyls’* Yeah, that’s probably better.

I only cut my grass so my house looks bigger.

AGREE. My dr had to wake me up while putting in my spinal cord stim to see if I could feel the elec current in the right place. She hit scar tissue before she turned it on & just the little jolt felt like lightning thru my body. I screamed & cried & begged to be put back down.. 2025 is worse tho

so far 2025 feels like being awake during surgery

My burp sounded like “whoop” so I finished it off with a “there it is.”

a close up of a person 's stomach with a blue shirt on Alt: a close up of a person 's stomach with a blue shirt on

Both! 😜

I like my men how I like my donuts..
sweet and dense.

Chickens won't even cross the road anymore for fear of being detained.

Who has actually been cancelled?

Who has seriously never been heard from again after doing or saying something horrible or stupid as hell?

fan me, feed me grapes and tell me which of my chins is your favorite

Mario. We need Mario.

Considering that anger can turn to sadness when you realize no one cares that you’re angry leads me to believe that a lot of people have convinced themselves that they’re sad when they’re actually furious.

The combination of totally haphazard, clueless dipshittery and calculated evil is really something.