Matt Wellner

😮

Good news bad news I brought rod serling back to life in 2025 but he made it through about eighty seconds of news before he ate a flour sized bag of heroin

According to every single person who's ever known him, worked with him or for him, his fans and his opponents, including the author of "The Art of the Deal," his single favorite thing to do is talk to people on the telephone.

Wait I thought gender was set at birth and immutable

I might say GG Allin but wouldn’t want to take the kid down a bad path…

1969.

Mad Magazine.

The Trump Justice Department recently removed this from its website. Wonder why?

The “we’re just asking questions” would be funny if they weren’t so fucking dangerous.

This stupid conspiracy theory has been debunked for years but Secretary Brainworms wants to resurrect it. Too bad he can’t resurrect the kids he has already killed.

It's now major news when the president says that he'll this one time honor his signature on a treaty

you’re fired. wait you’re rehired. email us a list of things you’ve done today wait forget it you’re fired again. come back your job was important. you’re fired. or hired. come in to the office. wait the office has no computers go home. we are the department of government efficiency.

This is Marco Rubio explaining how the USA promised to defend Ukraine forever if they got rid of their nuclear arsenal left after the Soviet Union fell.

This is why lil marco was sinking into the couch. He was hoping we wouldn’t find it…so don’t RT right now this very second.

What the heck happened to John Kass?!

We are, unequivocally, the Bad Guys.

We have been before, and we will be again, no doubt, but this one is particularly repellent.

A day of shame.

While we are cutting costs it’s pretty clear that all of the Republicans in Congress could be very inexpensively replaced

All the cowardly media outlets had to do was stand together, refuse to cover the admin PR stunts until the AP was back. Of course they didn’t because they are cowards. And now they will be picked off one by one. Courage has a shelf life. Use it. Or go away.

Being a fucking idiot has consequences. Unfortunately, they’re for everybody.

Trump’s foreign policy is simple: Abuse our friends, appease our enemies

This is good news but he should retire so Trump can appoint a new Pope.

Review: Tributosaurus plays hit songs from the ’70s and it’s a glorious shag-carpet ride As the guitarist said at Theater on the Lake, the only thing the band has in common with the one-hit wonders they were playing is that all of them “have one more hit than we do.”

Review: Tributosaurus, one of Chicago’s best-kept secrets, never especially cool, not exactly challenging, pushing nearly 25 years as a mainstay of local bars and theaters, without an original song to their name, are my favorite Chicago band.

Screenshot of post: "Raccoons are trying to break into Cybertrucks, and there's some speculation that this is happening because the raccoons are literally confusing them with dumpsters" Images: Raccoon paw prints and chewing on tonneau cover(?) of a CyberTruck(?)

timeline cleanse

hat tip @penryu.bsky.social

CN Subscribe Trump officials fired nuclear staff not realizing what they do The administration officials didn't seem to know the agency oversees the country's nuclear weapons, sources say • CNN Exclusive: FEMA firings reveal roiling tension and confusion within the Department of Homeland Security

Roses are red
Violets are blue

‘You Can’t Let This Happen,’ Says Fundraising Email From Sitting U.S. Congressperson

‘You Can’t Let This Happen,’ Says Fundraising Email From Sitting U.S. Congressperson

I can’t believe the Supreme Court said the president was above the law and now the president is acting like he’s above the law.

The “my Tesla Cybertruck crashed” rather than “I crashed” is key. The techbro and incel lament: I didn’t do a thing, the thing was done to me.

Please remember something: if you had said a year ago that Trump would do even a fraction of these things, you would have been mocked, belittled, accused of “Trump derangement syndrome,” and dismissed by certain people.

Identify those people and block and shun them.

“Hi Chris, this is Jill from Newsmax-“ continues on to ask me to appear on a Super Bowl preview segment My response - “Hi Jill, thanks for reaching out, unfortunately I have a strict policy of not working with people who back autocrats and dictators, let alone those are at this very moment in the process of destroying the constitutional separation of power that makes companies like you own able to function independently, as opposed to be government propaganda, so I’m going to have to regretfully decline.”

Sometimes you just have to say “fuck you” with a flourish