beatrix 🏳️‍⚧️

call had a lot of talk about allyship, how great our neighborhood is and how bad her old neighborhood was, how she’s been hanging out with a drag queen lately, asking if my wife was supportive of drag performances. which makes me think she just thinks i’m a dq or something? which is exhausting.

wife got a suspiciously leading phone call from our neighbor that we think means she’s seen me femme (through our windows? on one of my very few trips out of the house?) but we’re not sure what she’d do with that knowledge. i guess i expected this shoe to drop eventually. she seems cool though, idk

it's quite funny that the international pedophile ring got QAnon to put them all in power.

well he met bea

he’s very good at pretending nothing is happening

which is better than many alternatives i guess? i mean honestly this is what i want right, i want people to ignore my weird shit and just talk to me like a normal person so this is good.

Bilbo looking at his phone top on bottom is ChatGPT After all, why not? Why shouldn't I keep it? You're absolutely right — you found it, it's been with you a long while, and it's only natural to feel fond of something that's served you so well, especially when someone like Gandalf suddenly seems to want it for himself.

fuck yeah seahawks

"If I should have a son, who one day comes to me and tells me of the daughter living in her bones - the flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood I will take her chin in gentle hands and kiss her forehead with soft lips. I will whisper nothing but, "You are beautiful. You are beautiful. You are beautiful." I will bury the ashes of my shattered son, and rise on the wings of my phoenix-born girl. I will speak her chosen name with confidence - I will say it like a prayer each night as I tuck her in to sleep. — For Leelah

brb crying forever at the thought of having a mom who loved me like this

practiceresurrection.tumblr.com/post/1067655...

(this is not important)

ugh, “unphased” come on bea do better this is important

came out to my brother in law and seems like it went fine? he hasn’t seen me femme yet but he seemed pretty unphased about the revelation. anyway another family member enters the circle of trans trust 👍🏻

ok ok

Introduce yourself with five concerts you’ve seen.

this will date me very badly:

Shiner
The Dismemberment Plan
Slint
Archers of Loaf
Explosions in the Sky

Thanks, and thank you for your perspective. I appreciate it!

she thought this whole time that if it came down to it, i’d always chose her over transition. i told her she needs to be able to believe she can be a good person who still got divorced because it was better for everyone. that’s kind of where we left it.

we’re really in the middle of it now but she basically said i could have six months and if she couldn’t handle the changes, of course i would stop and stay married? “why would you inflict so much pain on someone who’s done so much for you?” which is terribly unfair and i said so.

She’s concerned about all of it. Not being able to stand being with me physically with female secondary sexual characteristics, and not being able to be with a woman societally and functionally as a lesbian.

it’s not fair to ask me to be miserable for the rest of my life—but how miserable? certainly she is expects i’d be able to handle some misery to stay together. so it’s like misery chicken where we both want the other person to be less happy so we can be more happy.

neither one of us wants to divorce but maybe we should start making more serious plans now.

she sees all this as a choice i’m making, which is true to the extent that i don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life and so i’m choosing to do something about it.

rough day today. wife revisited the list of estrogenic effects and is really hurting about it. i don’t know what to tell her other than what i have been telling her: it’s slow.

and then hoping she can get used to things as they happen? but i can’t conversion therapy her. it’s hard.

thanks!!!

those jeans are so cool. and your shoulders look so good in that top

Bea, a trans woman, wearing a puffy coat and a beautiful scarf sits in the drivers seat of her van taking a selfie of her fancy makeup.

went to ulta and got my brows did and threw in a makeover for fun. what a hoot, i feel so great.

yeah i read enough to know that’s what i wanted and my provider was down for it!

first shot ✅

Your encouragement was and is really helpful for me, thank you. I’m starting hrt in a week. (traveling and bad timing is what’s preventing me from starting tomorrow.) putting my marriage to the test, but i gotta know.

it’s my mother’s facebook feed, on national television. embarrassing.

consult happened.

wife sat in (my suggestion).

bloodwork ordered.

it seems to be happening.

whoa

this bodes so poorly for my transition but it is what it is, can’t fight the system

well this is a first

Wordle 1,655 3/6

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🟨🟨🟨🟨🟨
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

finally, finally, i can see stories like this and not feel horrible shame that i still work there. if there’s a perk to crashing out at google, this is it — very very slightly more separation between you and the horrors you enable. ahhhh