Jarthbrooks

“the president’s speech is going to be over two hours long!” they’re doing kalshi shit guys. they’re leaking a bunch of stuff about a super long speech and he’ll go about 2 minutes short of the supposed mark and everyone in the white house will make $200k on it

Spending my afterlife hanging out in a well begging for milk for all eternity

Sore Fuckmann

New York, Passenger Arrival Lists (Ellis Island), 1892-1925

Im going map to map, globe to globe and erasing every single border i see, just as the boss envisioned

So sorry to hear about The Boss. In her honour, I will spend the rest of my life doing what I can to fulfill The Boss’s will

This is basically where i'm at spiritually

Its the nukes

Godspeed!

What the fuck

A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

Let's keep it that way

DHS is just a relic from the overreaction to 9/11 and all the opportunistic skullduggery that took advantage of it. There was never any need for it. Let it be dead. Its abrupt dissolution will be a bit chaotic but fuck it we ball.

I have a suggestion for Gavin Newsom

Sometimes its both a videogame and not at the same time!

MGS4 IS BACK

Ghost babel being rereleased is so funny

GHOST BABEL RERELEASE?!?!

yep, they're still at it in LA and Portland too

the media is gonna be like "time for a new narrative" and it's so important to keep talking about how none of the cities they invaded have become more safe since the spotlight shifted away from them

edmund mcmillen is currently unwittingly part of a truman show style experiment where he's locked in a white room with a computer that only has access to 2012 9gag and a pirated copy of macromedia flash so it's actually very rude to make fun of his humor

“things are winding down in Minnesota”

no they havent

One of every thousand American residents has been taken into custody by ICE in the last year.

BAAAAAAABE BABE BABE BABE WAKE UP THEY’RE RECREATING THE 2008 FINANCIAL CRISIS FROM FIRST PRINCIPLES

This is the second time an ICE employee has been arrested in in a Bloomington, MN underage sex trafficking sting www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/ne...

you know things are bad when the republicans are sending out DNC emails

It bears repeating that Tom Homan is a fucking psycho and Greg Bovino's exile means functionally nothing when it comes to what's happening on the ground in Minnesota.

please give us more personal data please please please please c’mon you’re being so mean dude. we only got breached like three times. we’re NOT going to sell it man please please please plus its for like safety? so you’re the one who looks stupid right now come on pleaaaaaase just one data point bro

No she's not