Stay at Home Meh

With the right diet, you can turn any toilet into a bidet.

Ideally, I would like to be in a position to ask "Can I get a hell yeah?" and people would have no choice other than to give me a hell yeah.

my husband and I are both down with a stomach bug. he’s been peeing out of his butt for over 24 hours. he decided to try some chicken noodle soup to see if he could hold it in. I hobbled out of my death bed long enough to say “chicken POOdle” then went back to bed

The older you are, the earlier you feel you need to get to the airport.

No news organization should ever use the words "third term" without the word "unconstitutional" preceding it

Do not obey in advance. Don't do housework without your wife asking

I got hit by a young 20 something at the gym and I’m just like babe I have pregnancy scares older than you

Call me 007

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One cool thing about having kids and a spouse is that they all love you but it doesn't mean they like you 😎

*2 seconds after taking my meds* oh shit did i take my meds 🤔

“We believe that describing it as a ‘Stairway’ to heaven is biblically inaccurate”

- Church of Ladder Day Saints

Trying to not use trigger words so instead of "walk the dog" I say "scooch the pooch."

I’m sick and my family is being mean to me and it feels like that should be illegal

Put me down for working tomorrow. No I mean if I work tomorrow, put me down.

Alexa, make me soup

We finally fixed illegal immigration (nobody wants to come here anymore)

somebody who lets you be you >>>

my youngest (5) is sick and laying in bed upstairs. I gave her the iPad and she keeps facetiming me when she wants something and honestly it’s adorable. I’m here for 2025 solutions to life

Is there a new law or something that you can't be elected to public office UNLESS you sexually assaulted someone?

interesting how resign and resign mean the exact opposite

Like many of you, I'm finding it much easier to live in denial

I have some sad news to share, an economic blackout has nothing to do with alcohol.

God, take JoAnn's pain and give it to Hobby Lobby

they should invent 8 hours between 9pm and midnight

my husband just bought me my first van. I made a car kit of things like sunblock, hair toes, chap stick, band aids, scissors, sharpie etc. I was going to call it my VANity bag. but I’ve decided instead to call it my Jesus bag because through it, all things are possible

If you’re siding with Vladimir Putin, you’re wrong.

As an atheist I believe that nothing really matters and it's never been more clear than now.

I hope the next season of Handmaid’s Tale comes out before I’m a Martha

When I'm liking everyone's posts but not replying or making my own posts

gonna start calling my dentists office to remind them of my upcoming appointment as much they call me