Lord Pinky

Long story short, the morgue has a strict policy against playing "Is it cake?"...

That's the sound of hope.

I am the penis
Goo goo ga-choob

He should just make his profile say "I'm looking for a woman to titillate me in DMs"
Then he wouldn't have to try so many people who aren't interested. It's like cold-calling home repairs or something. Low percentage play and you have to annoy a lot of people to find a taker.

Is that an order?

If he's really perfect, he'll forgive mistakes and appreciate what you tried to do.

Au contraire. I get a year of mashed potatoes.

What would happen if I backed out after the first million dollars?

We buy a bottle every few months, but we don't drink them that fast, so they accumulate.

Maury Povich reading a result. Text: it's Maybelline

Promises made, promises kept.

If my grandpa knew how little we spent on his funeral, he’d turn over in his cardboard box.

I’ve dedicated my entire life to perfecting the art of opening the fridge, looking inside, and sighing as if the groceries betrayed me.

I'm actually in Houston. Happy to answer any questions.

Ballroom sits.

I'll have to ponder a parody of that.

Maybe a lot of them could be solved by a bitch.

🎵
If you like bean enchiladas,
And going Dutch on a date.
If you're not into roses,
And you don't mind my weight.
If you like sneaking in at midnight
When my mom is asleep,
You're the lady I've looked for.
Let's go do something cheap.

THEM: sorry i’m late to the bowling alley, everyone. i got a flat tire on the way

ME: sounds like you had to pick up a spare already

[later at the ER]

DR: how did he get stabbed with a bowling ball??

Vin Diesel plays powerful characters, but Vin Hybrid is much more efficient.

Is not having a bitch one of the 99 problems?

Didn't realize it was about the sound.

Top of the morning to you, too!

The way he loves renaming things, Trump should have started referring to his secretaries as horsemen.

Pestilence: Robert f Kennedy Jr War: Pete Hegseth Famine: Scott Be sent Death: Stephen Miller

Here's the whole lineup

What a great group to be in. Thank you!

Now is our chance, @hiddenbrain!

How do you even wave goodbye?

"You've got stretched lobes and piercings? Me too! We should hang out!" - Ear buds

Dr. Oz Proclaims Americans Could Lose '135 Billion Pounds' by Midterm Elections with New Weight Loss Drug Pricing He later said the metric was 135 million pounds

He may have meant to say "billion", attributing it to weight loss drug pricing. but that's something like 450 lbs per person. He's simply innumerate.
www.aol.com/articles/dr-...