They should make a chunky Pepto Bismol for psychopaths.

but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply

-Edna St. Vincent Millay, Sonnet XLIII: 'What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why' (1922)
#everynightapoem forever favorite ghost poem.

[Portrait of Millay by Arnold Genthe, 1914]

If I ever said "Sexy Panties," in front of a woman, I would faint and ejaculate.

steph mccann @steph_mcca banks email like "Ummmmm we have a MESSAGE for you. In your INBOX" and then the message is like "Hello we are your bank"

[porn director pulls me aside] you gotta quit saying "golly"

i am a black belt in two specific martial arts moves:

1. wildly kicking until i pull a hamstring
2. clutching my knees and rolling around like some sort of an egg

"What's to-day, my fine fellow?" said Scrooge.
"To-day!" replied the boy. "Why, CHRISTMAS DAY!"
"Oh fuck!" shouted Scrooge. "I need to do laundry!"
"Do it, you messy bitch!" the boy cheered.

[microphone guy whispering to camera guy as they film episode one of my survival show] seems kinda early to be drinking piss

PANEL 1: A pig in an empty green space. PIG: "Last night I dreamed I was one of the main gang on Seinfeld. It was Jerry and Elaine and George and Kramer and lil' ol' me." PANEL 2: The pig is sitting (in color) in the iconic Monk's Cafe from the television show Seinfeld alongside the show's characters (in lineart only). PIG (v.o.): "They even had an extra chair at the iconic diner booth for me now." PANEL 3: George close up. PIG (v.o.): "And they came to me with their/our suicide pact --" GEORGE: "A *real* pact -- not one of those that *some people* always wriggle out of!" PANEL 4: Jerry putting his arms up in surrender. PIG (v.o.): "The 90s will never come back, they said. They said the acid of their observational irony had eaten away everything of value: love, friendship, sex, community, essential government services..." JERRY: Alright, alright--*no wriggling*!" PANEL 5: Kramer gently patting the pig's arm. PIG (v.o.): "All that remained was to diminish and go into the west." KRAMER: "Let's all slide through this last door together. I'm too weak to go alone."

the pact

Harry Potter jacking off to a picture that’s begging him to stop

10 y/o me [reading Peanuts comic]: Man I can’t get enough of these WWI references.

saying "wokka wokka" as i commit my crimes so any future juries reviewing the tape will be enamored of me

Text Message • SMS Today 9:01 PM Hi Erin sica I hope you're doing well! I'm here if you need anything or just want to catch up Text Message • RCS Erin sica died I talk to her earlier, what are you saying? head flew off Read 9:07 PM Text Message • SMS Omg! Who is this?? Text Message • RCS Headpuncher

“still punk as fuck,” i whisper, as my blood pressure plummets and i discreetly crumple to the ground, falling into unconsciousness

top frame kool aid man in an elevator saying: the liquid is my cum bottom frame don draper in the same elevator saying: i will think about this every remaining moment of my miserable existence

being covered in salt would cure me

Poor Peanut Butter.

@juicieca.bsky.social

Steely glitter chasing shadows

"I'm alive!" said Gatsby, roaring past on a speedboat. He'd faked his own death and gotten away with everything. That's why they called him the Great Gatsby. "Out of the way, current!" he yelled at the water. "This speedboat is bearing me ceaselessly into the future!"

Every time I read The Great Gatsby, the final paragraph brings me to tears. Breathtakingly powerful writing:

The best revenge is revenge.

me: does it smell like updog in here?

hospice nurse: *sighs and looks at watch*

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Their souls have ascended to their rightful place in God's choir. But 1/6 of their essence is contained in the dolls.