Carty Wheeler

"Rick Steves! I'm high! Back with more of the best of Europe!"

My nose lost weight in the last few years. #thxforthesurgerygod #spironolactonepower

I got papercuts in my eyes. Tim Burton style anime is maximum spiky. Each haircut looks like Edward Scissorhands' gardening gloves.

Just send the rest of the band, he'll have his pick of three.

This is still Reagan's world, we're just dying in it.

Good thing I bought my bus tix last night before they announced the cancellation of all those flights. I have spent my whole life watching Republican presidents make everything shittier and the whole country forgetting that it happens every eight fucking years.

I don't need to do nn nov but I do need to do a don't get ballistically high all day wintertime. We'll see if I resort to the former in admitted defeat of the latter.

Cheez-Its are the only snackfood that you can't dip in anything. Go ahead and try. Nothing makes sense.

Its name is prob a contraction of "Cheez is It".

Finally found the dumbest band name: The Aero-Smiths

Dersh fantasizing about the Budd Dwyer special

If you’re still in line, STAY IN LINE

Went to one of those liminal polling places which was somehow both a church and a gymnasium at once.

The city busses are all free today! Definitely going to the pot store after I vote.

If an arcade game company wants me to play their machines they simply need to invent the taco bell emergency bracelet

A pumpkin carved with the face of the animated character Brak

BRAK O LANTERN

@littlefreaklibrary.bsky.social you have an awe inspiring and majestic voice. Ty for bringing BÖC 2 life. #andgodzilla

"Storage is full. Purchase expensive app for the privilege of deleting your files." Google. My dear old rat fucker. You really have no conception, no godfucked idea of how good it felt to install Yahoo, create a new account, and see a fresh inbox. I will never learn of what becomes of you.

BÖC BÖC BÖC!!!

My pre-alarm dream involved Larry David discussing Peircian phenomenology. "There's no 'during'. All you need is before and after. The 'during' is implied."

You know that skill you've been perfecting for your whole life to the point at which its mere exercise is one of the purest possible joys and the kind that makes human life seem both noble and pleasant? Would you like to watch a robot do it badly while your boss marvels at how quickly it happens?

Glad the devil never cursed me with the desire to be the wastefully convivial third wheel to two bachelor degrees in perfect sync with each other. Unfortunately tho it has made dating impossible. Who wants to shove their ring inside me this autumn?

It works so well with the cardigan underneath.

When it's 1 to the witch and the Scatman comes on the random shuffle it's time to drift the fuck off to sleepytimeland.

Kim Petras sings the sexiest songs. Goat noises?

Went to the grocery store and there was a large group of people applauding me for going out for the first time in a few days

A girl ran over with a badge that read "least likely to be a shut-in award" when she put it on me it pierced my flesh and I started bleeding everywhere

Fritos cereal is a possibility if weed is decriminalized in more places.

A francoamerican drag queen/rapper name: Travis T

50's playground bully: "Get a keen, clear brain, grapenuts!"

If you're around my age you have seen every possible socio-political status befall sweatpants.

I've been seeing a lot of comedy shows lately and the audiences have s u c k e d . How do Mainers lack the ability to enjoy things so proficiently? If you paid money to see John Waters and you're afraid to laugh at a scrotum joke you need to get some serious direction in your life.

I know two people with BÖC tattoos and zero with nazi tattoos. I know a guy who has his own name and a guy with a butt on his butt