Kevin Dillon

I’m equally shocked by both that guys death, and that people actually agreed with the things he was saying.

Not to get too political but I don’t like the current government at all.

I’m more Wang Chung than Wu-Tang

I would go to Coachella-if it is all the bands HGTV uses for music on their programming.

The best part of any HGTV show is the generic music with lyrics like “I’m coming hoooome!”

I knew we were bombing Iran today because Pete had it listed in his AIM away message.

My favorite part of traveling is feeling like throwing up before, during and after. What a thrill.

My wife and I got massages at a place called “Oasis”. The masseuse asked if I wanted CBD oil and I said “MAYBEEEE”. They were not amused.

Me in 2025: “Music today is just weird!”
Me in 1995: “That Bjork is pretty neat!”

YouTube video by Sloan - Topic Live Forever

#NewMusicPSA 📣
A brand new Sloan album, Based on the Best Seller, will be released on September 26th! They've also just released the first track from it: Live Forever.
youtu.be/Dw6oaQ7pSZU?...

I’m like a human PT Cruiser: I’m kinda old and a little weird looking.

I never really feel old unless I have to climb across the seat in a big Uber.

I remember a Sinbad genie movie but it starred Anthony Michael Hall. What the heck timeline am I from??!!

Happy Memorial Day to all the haters.

New cat is helping me lose weight. She’s afraid of the sounds of frying foods, and I can’t deal with the disappointment when she sees me open up a snack and it’s not for her.

Me: Cool Depeche Mode shirt! I saw them on that tour!

Barista: This is actually my mom’s shirt

Me: Yep, that makes total sense.

I find myself telling my new cat to please not eat the plants, which feels very hypocritical as a vegan.

I think it’s cool that the new Pope has saved big money at Menards

A new Pope this quickly? They probably didn’t even get to the swimsuit competition.

Old Pope has already been turned into a Spirit of Halloween store.

Chicago Pope more of a long form guy. #improv

Chicago born Robert F. Prevost was just promoted to pope, and while the rest of his improv team seem happy on the surface, they are a little jealous.

I though the NY Met gala was some kind of fancy baseball prom.

I’m so poor I thought Berkshire Hathaway was the store brand at BJs Wholesale.

Thank you St Jude’s and the ASPCA for not only your great work, but also for keeping channel 4.3 on the air so I can watch Dateline all day for free.

*My wife sees me bring up IMDB while watching Law & Order*

Wife: “She was on ER”

*sets phone back down*

Prolly gonna cut loose today with an extra chamomile tea.

Happy Easter to all my haters

Sis Boom Spa: The only wellness center with a full marching band!

Don’t worry about DOGE cuts impacting medical research- as long as Uncle Wayne has Facebook- we’re all going to be OK!