Jake Barton

Advice for any Luddite ecoterrorists:
Bioengineer a bacteria that eats plastic and let it loose upon the world.

“Spring ain’t the only thing that’s sprung right now.”
*overwhelming chorus of boos*

[“Fantasy is escapist, and that is its glory. If a soldier is imprisoned by the enemy, don’t we consider it his duty to escape? The moneylenders, the know-nothings, the authoritarians have us all in prison; if we value the freedom of the mind and soul, if we’re partisans of liberty, then it’s our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as we can.”]

Ursula le Guin, on the accusation that fantasy is an escape from reality

[threatening a baby] here comes the airplane

Hey, I just want you to know that I find this honest self analysis incredibly beautiful.

Report: Everything Slightly Worse Than Yesterday

Report: Everything Slightly Worse Than Yesterday
theonion.com/report-...

Yep. I got a flat tire on the way to the theatre to see Macbeth. That was the only day it was playing. Still haven’t seen it…

ugly scattered words on a gray gradient background that says "life is to be earned," "everything," "everyone," "it," "marvelous," "amazing," and various half-obscured adjectives

I think I could look at this hotel bathroom art every day for the rest of my life and never come close to understanding what it's trying to tell me

[yelling over club music] Do you think we’re ever truly forgiven

is this really all there is

what else ought there to be ?

I was way better on the old boards.

How important was John Brown’s voting record?

I would also like a bowl of chili, Gregory.

That we continue to persist at all is a testament to our faith in one another.

wikipedia infobox title "Nick Offerman" depicting him in blonde beard and hair

back in like 2014 wikipedia's only freely licensed photo of Nick Offerman was from the two weeks he was blond and people hated it so much they basically decided it was better to have no photo

it's always okay at any stage of your life to develop a deep seated interest in the middle ages. this is not true for every era of history- there are distinct age ranges when it's inappropriate to get way into, for example, feudal japan or napoleon

You know, your own imagination is far more wonderful Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

Than any computer could ever be. You know why? Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

You’re a living human being. And a computer is just a machine. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

Human beings are far more wonderful than machines. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood

Mister Rogers never misses

Excerpt of Morning Brew newsletter with broken-heart emoji followed by text that reads, "At least 15 killed after driver rams into New Orleans New Year’s crowd."

A year or two ago, someone determined that subject lines with emoji had higher open rates than those without. Now *every paragraph* of every newsletter is bulleted with a corresponding emoji. Which means genuine tragedies are prefaced with "💔." The ripple effects of enshittification are manifold

Had a delightful time reading these in the voice of Lazlo Kravensworth

American Years of Lead refers to both the Italian Years of Lead and to the lead-lined neural pathways of Gen X fascists

missed a spare at bowling and the scoreboard played an animation of me eating a log of shit with a knife and fork

Talk to someone under 30.

Tuxedoed Boris Karloff as Dr. Henryk Savaard, to his daughter played by Lorna Gray: "We gave 'em a voice to be heard around the world"

Boris Karloff in a tux, to Lorna Gray: "and they preach hatred to poison the minds of nations."

Boris Karloff in a tux, to Lorna Gray: "Even the medicine we gave 'em to ease their pain has turned"

Boris Karloff in a tux, to Lorna Gray: "into a vice to enslave half mankind for the profit of a few."

The Man They Could Not Hang (Grindé, 1939)

Honorable Ball

New Historium series coming soon!

*to the tune of Despacito*
“Nos-ferr-atuu…”

[don henley] nooosferatu...

I’m on month 1. It’s fucking hard, man…