Uncle Pa

Arresting a cop and he’s all like whaaaaaaat

there’s always a person who comes rushing into a public bathroom while i’m in the stall. they bang on the paper towel dispenser and then leave.

baked bean la croix

this is how they catch me, a box with a stick and a string and melted brie 🪤

this me when i’m a cat dressed as a bee

watch my wife arrange a pleasant gathering on OnlyPlans

You don’t need to wash your water bottle. It’s already been washed by the water you drank out of it

a blowgun but instead of darts it uses corn dogs

*maniacally hangs another wind chime*

at least Rush Limbaugh is still dead

decapitalism

Be advised it's egregious out

i’m in a sword duel. i get slashed across my body. i do not bleed. my torso slides off at an angle revealing that i was cake all along …

eating peanuts and tossing the shells over my shoulder. feeling like the ultimate boss on this bus right now.

eating a banana like corn on the cob

He died doing what he loved, waking me up from a nap.

“he felt as though the whole world was a butthole, and himself merely a fart …”

i mean, i’ve got a fever

[walking around]

When France proposed raising the legal smoking age to 9

My kids won’t listen to "WHITESNAKE" WITH ME...

SO HERE I GO AGAIN
ON MY OWN!

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

pausing to do karate at myself in the mirror

me: haha, more like King Wrong!

King Kong losing at Trivial Pursuit: [destroys entire neighborhood]

[looking at a normal clock] should have a bird pop outa that thing every hour

do drugs

From the Annoying Mind of Tim Burton

🔥

[uses 225 gallons of water to clean out peanut butter jar for recycling]

Richest man in the world who pays no taxes and receives $19Billion annually from US contracts closes USAID which provides vital assistance to the world’s poorest

AMERICAN VALUES ON DISPLAY