Helen

Be the family moving their table away from you that you want to see in the world

nooooooo! Are you still alive???

If you didn’t want a cuddle puddle, then you shouldn’t be so cuddly, buddy

A German shepherd dog lies on a bed

POV: you’re a dog who enjoys naps on the bed and doesn’t like when the rest of the family joins in

Dating in your 40s is wild. What do you mean I'm being ghosted after 3+ months by a guy built like a frog?

Is the AWS outage the reason the guy I've been dating for 3+ months hasn't texted me since Saturday evening or

I found a bedbug on my person at my horrible tech job, and the speed with which they swooped in to clean up the situation was honestly inspiring 🥲

Two dogs lie on a couch next to each other

The one on the left is the best boy ever. The one on the right is literally banned in several countries.

Look, I am happy for you, okay?

SOLIDARITY ✊

Give me pesto. Give me white sauce.

Sundried tomatoes are also acceptable. Cooked salsas, too.

Bloody Marys are the only form of tomato I embrace

Now that I've tasted fresh-picked, perfectly ripe tomatoes grown with love in my own garden, I can say with confidence: tomatoes are gross.

OPOSSUMS MAKE IT ALL POSSIBLE

There's a special day called National Opossum Day! Some people say it is on October 17th and some say it's on October 18th. To me, that means we get two whole days! So, I've decided that since you can't give me any treats like Mama is, tell me your most interesting opossum fact or story! And GO! 💙

Rat-shaped hole in Chicago sidewalk not made by rat Rat-shaped hole in Chicago sidewalk not made by rat

Rats. www.nbcnews.com/video/shorts...

OMG CONGRATS! It's almost like taking time off... is good for you?

Oh No! Woman Missed Nap Window Because She Scrolled for Too Long Women's News. Feminized.

NOT AGAIN. reductress.com/post/oh-no-w...

Oh, my yard is "messy"? Excuse me for doing MY part to keep YOUR property taxes down!

bart from the simpsons is standing in front of a train that says bart on it ALT: bart from the simpsons is standing in front of a train that says bart on it

Met someone last night and knew immediately she was from the Bay based on how much she hated the Dodgers

Friends, I installed my show today and it’s definitely the best thing I’ve ever pulled off so if you’re in Portland, Oregon please swing by the purple door gallery Friday to see what I have done.

How Lead Caused America's Violent Crime Epidemic In the mid-20th century, America experienced an epidemic of violent crime. The culprit? Lead.

I don't personally believe that lead alone leads to epidemic-levels of violence but it certainly can't help anything www.forbes.com/sites/alexkn...

Dang, I have never been prouder to be a weak person who doesn't care about bulking

Have to say I thought we’d do more with Steamboat Willie being in the public domain. I thought our entire society would be reorganized around being able to do whatever we wanted to the vile boat mouse

Ooooo that would be an intriguing cover!

221 | The Mountain Goats, 'No Children'

This absolute banger, this anthem of angst, this dirge of divorce, doesn't even break the top 100?? Excuse me, but how dare Rolling Stone not share my exact same musical taste?? www.rollingstone.com/music/music-...

One more my precious

Omgggggg! Full circle moment!! Time is a flat donut!

"You paid $200 for that dog at the shelter?? They normally go for $4,000!!"

I paid with my soul, my friend. She is a demon.