Onion Weigher 🧅⚖️

they should have abolished the senate like 100 years ago but now it's a moot point I guess

putting it on the bucket list, thank you

where is this, I need to go here

this is actually true for my friend groups

Late at night in an alley in Brooklyn:

Jeffries jumps out saying, "We got you now!" as he fumbles his brass knuckles to the ground
"The Baileys send their regards!" says Schumer, feebly waving a child-sized baseball bat

Graph of sunspot activity from 1975 to 2030 reveals high incidence of sunspots correlate to the Iran Hostage Crisis (1980), Desert Storm (1990), Afghanistan & Iraq wars (2000-2004), Syria (2011-2015) and Iran (now).

The Sunspot Model Of Middle East Intervention by @onionweigher.hellthread.vet who needs to come back here because Twitter doesn't deserve them...

cringeocracy with mid characteristics

I can’t imagine what metric you’d have to hit to be labeled Nerd in my phone. there are so many of you

their noodles are out of this world

he was a guy I met at a party who was up for talking about the cold war at any time, I think

looking through my contacts list which is filled with years of garbage and people I dont remember. best entries:

Angel Taxi
Chair
Fabrizio
Goose
Jim Knife
Max French
My SHOES
Nathan Cold War
Nerd
Test Results
UFO Asian Food
Vet Furryland
Will Gnostic

this is like a disney adult going to disneyland getting a lecture from goofy about the importance of having a healthy diversity of hobbies

at least

If you are trying to pull the bad damsels at the Ren Faire you don't need chainmail, you don't need a longsword; you need to be focusing on period appropriate footware. No lace holes! No heels! No soles! Toes as pointy as possible. You need to look like you tied a wet envelope to your feet

cutting the stale baguette at multiple oblique angles to minimize visible surface crust while maximizing french-toastability

like ok, are we supposed to think this was a coincidence

on that shit that got me feeling insane

average conservative vision for the future in 2025

hehe

nobody seemed to notice this before the election (which he lost anyway) but this sentence has an extremely specific number of words for a sentence that includes "race" and "the future of" and "western civilization"

weird how that keeps happening

The global market is not happy with me!! -- that's okay, I'll still keep exporting that garbage.

just download the ayahuasca app

it's more applicable to the economy than the stock market specifically, the stock market is just the pavement

the economy rn

at this point I'm 99% sure that they asked "hey @grok how can the US expand its territory without decreasing the percentage of white people?" and it told them to annex Canada and Greenland

I didn't realize it was an option

he even did it out on the lawn

YouTube video by Found Footage Fest Pricemaster

this video is pretty much indistinguishable from today's press conference www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9GB...

frankly, I just don't give a dam

I wish to trade with the penguins