Aaron Cohen

Apple Jax ice cream on a fluff cone.

This flavor is called Apple Jax because I Mandela Effected myself into thinking that’s how you spell Apple Jacks.

Honestly, any time I've lived somewhere with a roof I could walk on, I'd be up there as much as possible. I love walking on roofs. Can't get enough of it. This is the most relatable thing he's ever done.

Her baseball care and her grace role are separate people.

No probably not.

Did it used to make anyone else really mad as a kid that there was a baseball player named Brett Butler and an actress named Brett Butler? Too many Bretts Butler.

He was so mellow
Tonight it seemed like maybe
He didn’t feel well.

I was just trying to take a quick little power nap and dreamed about a pita pocket full of fried peking ravioli and soy sauce hummus.

You could have stopped the sentence after "fuckin" because a good number of people who think like this think kids don't have sex anymore and that it's a huge problem.

I just want to know
What they’re doing at camp that
They pass lice around.

Journalist ask him which drugs got their prices cut challenge. Difficulty: impossible.

This is probably true, I’d have to check the math, but one thing I know for sure is 2032, when my daughter graduates high school, is in 17 years.

Maybe just in this one situation.

That’s for sure.

Turns out my daughter lied to me???? (Someone SHOULD do this though)

Enjoy!

My daughter told me a bit ago that the Kidz Bop chorus of Hot To Go is “H O T D O G S we love hot dogs, they’re the best” and I’ve been laughing about it for an hour. Lyrical genius imo

Indeed we do

Him and his friends took
Their shirts off on the way home
And waved them around.

I'll drop some pints at my parents' house for you to pick up.

Yesss

Those look like little cereal marshmallows in the ice cream.

Have a good show and also if you squint this looks like a movie poster for Tenants Make Tragic Lovers.

Ugh, sorry!

A hot dog with cheese sauce on the bottom.

At our bar, Earnest Drinks, if you order a hot dog with cheese sauce we put the cheese sauce in the bottom because it’s less messy for everyone.

He was trying to
Take off my socks to tickle
My feet, the big jerk.

I've been slacking on the newsletters because the new flavors keep selling out before Thursday.

Hate it.

I just hired someone who replied to an email about a job from 2017 with the opening line, "Are you still looking to hire?" I need more people who aren't slaves to reality and instead bend it to their will. Visionary.

lol I'm talking about something that was down closer to Cambridgeport. last summer or the summer before.

We used to make spicy honey and rosemary.