Brian Phillips

conservative columnists are best understood as laying eggs in the chest of whatever's handy in order to continue the life cycle of the parasitic grievance hornet

I don't say this lightly: The New York Times should fire the reporter and editor who chose to present a leak from the white house as if it was a leak from Harvard.

Don't print lies in the newspaper

A brindle whippet lying on a sofa with an indescribable vibe of FRISBEE NOW

When you perceive that the Hour of Frisbee is at hand

A brindle whippet lying on the floor looking intolerably Up For Frisbee

When you had to be taken outside with diarrhea at 12am, 1:30am, 4am, and 7am and have now medically cleared yourself to play frisbee

the rare litteral

“The comforts of civilization are making men soft, so we need violent games to compensate” is an idea linking everything from sumo to the rise of football (all forms) to the legalization of prizefighting in England in the early 19th century

I can confirm the history of modern sports is a rapid succession of localized masculinity crises going back to at least the Renaissance

We did it, we saved journalism

The Times and Amazon Announce an A.I. Licensing Deal

Embracing a future in which blatantly doctored economic data can be inaccurately summarized by a customer-service chat popup and fed to me while I shop for unpronounceably branded dropship batteries that cost $27 each because of tariffs

A lot of Coco double faults, I’d say

h/t @leahreich.com for this video of a serve so bad it should be celebrated in legend and song

This is the worst serve I’ve ever seen

Sir, you have my attention

Wrong, wrong, wrong

I just unfollowed someone for talking shit about Martin Chuzzlewit. Sorry, friend, but if you can’t handle the voltage, don’t touch the third rail

This isn't a list of jobs that A.I. can easily replace.

It's a list of jobs that techno fascists don't think are worthwhile or meaningful and that they want to eliminate.

They don't want humans to try to make sense of the world, they want us to believe whatever we're told.

my brain just adds "sarcasm expert" and "girl dad" automatically

Doug Murphy never expected to find all the missing matter in the universe in his garden shed. “I was just looking for the hedge clippers,” Murphy, 59, of Ridge Crescent Drive, said. “I opened the shed and thought, ‘Wait, something’s different. Was that intergalactic fog always behind the birdseed?“

Cannot stop thinking about what a delightful headline “Missing Matter in Universe Found” is. Simply incredible local news energy. Repairs Completed on Main Street. Honors Students Named. New Comptroller Addresses Meeting. Luminous Fog Restores Balance to Galactic Wheel

Thanking the universe for its service

They literally found all the missing matter in the universe before I found the harmonica I bought during the pandemic

I love that every headline now is either “Republican Plan to Make the Purge Real Founders as Former Miss Idaho Calls Purge Films ‘Too Empathetic’” or “Radiant Center of Universe Detected”

Missing Matter in Universe Found Using Caltech's DSA-110 radio telescope, astronomers pinpoint whereabouts of "fog" between galaxies.

What did you do at work today sweetheart

Oh nothing much just FOUND ALL THE MISSING MATTER IN THE UNIVERSE

“Reddit explained that it will verify users' age by partnering with Persona, an identity verification company that raised $200 million in April in a series D round led by Peter Thiel's Founders Fund.”

Nothing could possibly go wrong

Or perhaps peaches

This incredible riff on Henry VIII’s ass is by @dempster2000.bsky.social! Sorry I got distracted before crediting the artist, everyone throw tomatoes at me

Oh no sorry I meant to write a follow-up post crediting you but shiny objects distracted me — adding now!

A Sarah Dempster review of The Tudors, reading: “Verily, my liege, this idiot Canadian-Irish co-production does dance a merry jig upon the very concept of historical accuracy, with its Irish Henry VIII (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), its ripped courtiers and Joss Stone as Anne of Cleves. There is the occasional grudging nod to Actual Historical Stuff (the Reformation, wives etc). But it’s mostly just Henry banging his way around Tudor England, his bum cheeks jack-hammering with such ferocity that they are little more than a meaty blur, like a deli counter viewed from the top deck of a speeding bus in the rain.”

Some people say criticism is dead. I say show them this.