Coyote in an ALDI

my Tidal Wrapped is 100% Jay-Z songs but i don't even have an account with them? help??

Stranger Things casting is perfect actually though b/c thanks to everyone smoking indoors those 30-yr-olds are what 80s kids actually looked like

i know we all want to hate on the FBI for wasting our money but let’s be honest the majority of our own overtime hours are also spent on mundane repetitive tasks done for the sake of covering our boss’s ass

Don Draper having the best idea of his life

coming up with the little Mucinex guy

man, he’s in his head. he should really do something to permanently alter his mind maybe involving South America

Tim Hortons reminds Campbell's customers that they also make bad soup for poor slobs TORONTO - Following the news that a top Campbell’s executive was fired after being caught on microphone calling the company’s soups “shit for poor people”, Tim Hortons have released a statement remind...

Tim Hortons reminds Campbell’s customers that they also make bad soup for poor slobs

well fuck he's lost gen z

It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend

youtube has changed all my targeted ads to 100% Mandarin-language fast food commercials. i have no idea why this happened, but i am not complaining. thank u McDonalds the 麦乐鸡套餐 looks delicious

offering a contract to my clients & telling them to "put your Benjamin Franklin on it" (sign normally and not with huge letters)

considering that until mere moments ago i was not aware real pokemon existed in the universe, i feel like i am going to be surprised by many more than just #7?

breaking up with my true love on the 13th day of Christmas because their place has a really weird bird smell

HONORED✨ to be one of approximately 7 people paying attention to this Panthers-Lightning game

James Buchanan may have been our first gay president, but was he, i ask you, the first president to have blown another president? #milestones

considering how much he's appearing in Epstein's emails, at this point, Peter Thiel is probably on his knees thanking God Gawker outed him as gay

More benzos than man at this point

just realized i haven't heard any christmas music yet. not in stores, not in commercials, not out on the street... where's my goddamn holiday cheer you lifeless nutsacks

according to this graph the 3 outcomes for AI are becoming a WALL-E person, 0.2% economic growth, and getting your skull stomped by a Terminator

truly disappointing to know his slogan was 'For A New York You Can Afford' when 'Whamdani Bamdani Thank You Mamdani' was right there

3 rows with each NYC mayoral candidate: (blue bar) Zohran Mamdani (yellow bar) Andrew M. Cuomo (red bar) Curtis Sliwa (wearing a red had)

sorry but mamdani and cuomo should have worn blue and yellow hats, respectively

the worst people in the world are Streisand-Effecting this woman on a fast track to the national stage & I am here for it

sad to think the entire plot of "Frankenstein" could have been avoided if the Mad Doctor just hadn't taken Tylenol while flipping the switch

baseball: even our championship games still make you wanna slightly die

one advantage of growing up during one of the peak eras for American comedy is that I get to have weird quirks like involuntarily saying "fiddle-di-dee! that will require a tetanus shot" out loud whenever i slightly injury myself

And Alexander wept, for there was no more hamburger to help

welp, it took 156 years, but BASEBALL JUST GOT INTERESTING, BABY

new character: the "performative male" who's doing it all wrong

my iced matcha? 4 shots of Jim Beam in it

the book i'm "casually reading" outdoors? Hemingway

the "girl music" i'm listening to on my wired earbuds? Katy Perry but only after she started working with Dr. Luke

JK Rowling pledges to keep up fight against SNP trans policies Author vows to bankroll campaigners after Scottish government fails to pay group's legal fees in Supreme Court equality case

It cannot be made clearer.

If you continue to support the Harry Potter franchise in any way, you are directly funding the removal of trans people's human rights in the UK.