Torsion Harm (yes that’s my Halloween name)

Swiss bank deposit box full of hummus

my family: (staging an intervention) you have got to stop eating so much hummus

me: (crunching down on a false tooth to release garlic hummus into my mouth) you have no idea what you're up against

Looks like power lines shorting as they are caught under the falling structure

Inspired by this: please find my official apology regarding the cause of the 2025 LA wildfires.

I will try to do better in the future

#learning

Piss X Shit

honestly the fact that I am constipated right now is just so Kafkaesque

For most foodstuffs the environmental impact of shipping it is far less than that of producing it in the first place

honestly the fact that I am constipated right now is just so Kafkaesque

Sergeant: [Walks in] Look alive, Marines!

Private Jenkins, the only zombie to ever be admitted to the US military: But Sarge!!

No, Luke, Google killed your father

sitting on my friend's couch I get really excited about my "boob dylan" post idea, I pull out my phone. Just in case it's been done before I search "boob dylan", thousands of results, all the accounts are annoying. My friend asks me what's wrong, I say nothing, a tear is caught in my eyelashes

How do I explain to my mum that turning on the lights won’t make it easier to see her phone? My repeated attempts to point out that the phone screen is an emissive surface have not worked

sorry that it is my duty to report that [I am] getting dangerously strong 2012 vibes this evening

Anyone else drive past the car that had turned over onto its roof off the edge of the A48 westbound on Saturday 20 September 2025?

Cartoon of a road sign depicting a ring of cheese with a wedge cut out of it, labelled as 'Adverse Camembert'

Adverse Camembert

www.worldofmoose.com/products/adv...

Had a dream my friend was secretly keeping a dog in a hole in the floor in his house. Woke up and everything about my body was wrong. Various limbs were numb, my eyes were crusted shut and my neck and pretty much all my body parts were at horrible angles

They should make books that turn you into greasy, enormous boars

I don't normally ask much of my followers but I need you all to come to my house and build a monolith in the garden

Dismissing my grandparents as "ancestor slop"

⚠️ The FAA has issued a category 5 horse warning

ME: Before we begin, I should probably let you know I have a small penis

JOB INTERVIEWER: I didn't want to know that

I have decided to be appalled

Creating so much porridge that it’s going to become your problem very soon

a close up of a man looking at a laptop screen ALT: a close up of a man looking at a laptop screen

MFW, as a seasoned British Airways pilot, I get takeoff clearance

Arby's Conference Venues: We Have The Meets™

Arby's would like a word with you