Jon Blyth

With all that stamping he does, he should be called Michael Philately!

Unless you’re some kind of puritanical fun-averse doofus, buy all of Size Five’s stuff and do everything else Dan says here. He’s mint, the games are funny and fantastic, and I’ve never been paid more promptly for any work I’ve done

I’ve stopped slamming my front door, because it makes a big spider pop down to check his web and I’m sick of apologising to him

That was supposed to be subtle italics, now I look like a dipshit who doesn’t trust his readers

For the dist_unguis_hed customer

If they get to know you, you might be invited into the back room, where there is a wall peppered with tiny glory holes, through which dozens of beckoning fingers invite you to nibble straight from the vine

A photo of a store front in Penge. The main sign reads Penge Nails, but it looks like they’ve rebranded to Enjoy, and added a sign above that. So it reads ENJOY PENGE NAILS, which makes it sound like they’re selling bags of pre-bitten Penge fingernails. To my mind anyway. You might not think so

Are they eating each others nails in Penge

I’m in the same game as Verso from Expedition 33?! This is the most erotic thing that’s happened to me since I slipped in that puddle of cum and fell into a pit of dicks

Good as it is, this isn’t helping me or my already asleep partner get to or remain asleep

I cried with laughter and choked on my chocolate (not a euphemism)

I have a joke about Narcissus but on reflection it’s a little ponderous

Fuck I’m probably very close to that. The game just made me realise how bored I was with Souls. wanted it to go full Bayonetta

I was driving so aggressively at the speed limit last week that a Peugeot stayed inches from my arse, overtook me then drove and five mph slower. It’s a wild brain to have

I do worry that BH Calcutta (Failed) might not pass the sniff test these days

This is an example of a real joke I didn’t know I was making at the time

His holidays above the crab pool remain iconic

WHY ARE THESE IMAGES THE SAME BUT NOT

A flea from Silksong. I don’t know if this is helpful to visually impaired people. Sorry

The dog from The Perishers. He doesn’t look like the previous picture of the Flea from Silksong

You know when you see something and think oh my god that looks exactly the same as the dog from The Perishers but it turns out it doesn’t really

Well it really me listen to Prefab Sprout I can tell you

Two songs in one, bargain

All this Sproutposting has brought on an amiable wistfulness

Can’t get confiscated if I keep em *taps nose* Lifetime ban from HMV, lads

No come on who is this Machine Gun Ibiza guy honestly

Haha I just realised that was a lie, he *bought* those CDs off a shoplifter. You don’t confiscate shit off a shoplifter, you’d get your windows put through. I guess he was letting me know not to buy off shoplifters? Instead he taught me shoplifters get free music

Listening to it now after… 30 years? Indulgently, effortlessly streaming an album that I put so much effort into because I didn’t have anything else. Things are so unprecious. Christ I know every note

Jordan: The Comeback was one of the CDs my dad confiscated from a shoplifter in his pub. I listened to it hundreds of times and could never decide if I liked it. Such a soft haunting sound to it. Such insidious, calming voices. Reading the lyric book, unsure if it meant anything to me. Romo down?

I don’t always look at who’s posting what so I can’t tell if everyone suddenly likes Prefab Sprout or one person if going through a prolonged episode of really liking Prefab Sprout

OK how far do you have to play to get to that, I could be tempted back

For every like this post gets I will be unnecessarily unpleasant about a song I don’t care for.

Minor DOT until you take the time to bat yourself down. On the upside extinguishes fire

A blue plastic tub with a large yellow label reading “Contaminated Sand”. It is next to an A-Board with nothing written on it. Presumably the phrase Contaminated Sand says all they wanted to say

I’m all for a bit of convenience but I take pride in contaminating my own sand

They’re playing an immaculate long game. The impact when Bingo finally drops the bomb will be sublime