Father McGee 🍁

One day you're mildly amused, the next you're wielding an axe at Qdoba.

I am so sorry, man.

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My back piece tattoo of a 3 eyed bat head

Line work done.

One fun thing about working with me is you never know when I might tell the CEO on an all hands call that the shareholders can suck my imaginary foot-long dick and I quit.

Stupid ass boy band wannabe saying he’s too famous to get a job

Me, when I get more than 10 reposts and 25 likes on Bluesky

ME: anything?
PROSTITUTE: anything

*an hour later*

PROSTITUTE: ok I made dinner, set that appt for you, and called your mom back but this was a one time thing bc you’re fuckin sick

Thank you so much!

Get fucked

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A year and a half sober today.

You have to get up to get down is about getting off the couch to go to bed.

A picture of the character GI Robot looking at you suspiciously.

Her: I SUPPORT ICE!
Me:

Always wear black to therapy to prove you can't be helped.

We really don’t sing about magic carpet rides anymore.

it was the best of times it was the worcestershire of times

It's me

Proof of life

imagine a baby named larry you can’t it is impossible

ME: [turns out pockets, shakes sleeves]

THERAPIST: is that all of them

ME: [stares at depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, ADHD piled up on table]
yep that’s everything

THERAPIST: amy

ME: fiiiine [pulls attachment disorder from ankle holster, adds to the pile]

you shouldn’t care about it because they might be coming for you next, you should care that they’re coming for anyone at all

If there's an important thing that sobriety has taught me, it's that life is too short to waste on people who add no value to your life. I don't hate those people and wish them well, but holy fuck, be well away from me.

Welcome to crow club, thanks for joining our caws.

lost socks make me so sad, like where’s your li’l buddy why dint y’all hold hands
[sobbing] mister stockington whyyyy