Paul

Comic strip featuring a fake swear word - "Funt"

Almost related .. 2000ADcomic writers have been making up fake swear words for years (eg. Drokk). My favourite is "Funt" from the Sinister Dexter comic strip.

In bed?

#oneforthekidsthere

a poster for treache people shows a steam engine on a hill ALT: a poster for treache people shows a steam engine on a hill

Good call

I’d like a C please, Bob.

Couple moved in next door. Old bloke lived there before had a beautiful garden. He spent every day in it. New guy ripped out everything & put fake grass in. So I've planted trees next to the boundary that will fill his lawn with dead leaves in the autumn. This one's for you Alf

Let’s do some Monday

People don’t spontaneously combust as much as they used to.

Can’t meow right now I’m listening to catfermations

I don’t have the PPE

a woman in a black dress is standing in front of a bar and the words devastated are on the bottom ALT: a woman in a black dress is standing in front of a bar and the words devastated are on the bottom

When you really fancy some toast & you look in the fridge & spot the butter but it turns out to be unsalted.

[My first day as a detective]
Me: It's one way glass he can't see you. Just point at the killer.
Witness: All I can see is our reflection.
Me: Ah, ok. Everybody swap rooms.

The trouble with middle age is that nothing prepares you for those annoying hairs which sprout in places where you'd least expect them - like the fridge.

asparagus should not be able to do that

Tempting…

Overheard in my living room:

"I've only sneezed ten times this month."
"I'm glad you've got an affordable hobby."

It’s too wet out to do the big shop, let’s do lunch.

A toilet seat so cold that you become an ice dispenser

1st base: kissing

2nd base: petting

base 10: math stuff

Leaning tower of Pisa.
Would not recommend. 3/10

Like any responsible parent would, I’m eating all the best snacks before the kids get home.

And just like that, Cattio Magico disappearo

Careful, or you’ll get us barned

Murder suspects

Take me under your wing