Ashley Beardsley, PhD

Airport lounge, red wine, and robot dystopian fiction.

Gamifying my #grief.

Dealing with unwelcome comments from family. New panic attack level unlocked: tingling/weakness in fingers/hands.

I sent my full book manuscript for review on Tuesday. I love my book, and I know I'll have revisions, but it's blissful thinking about new projects.

#research

Family: Ooo are you bringing sourdough with you?

Me, who is traveling to another state to inter her dad's ashes and host a celebration of life: No. I don't think I have 5 hrs (or the energy) to bake bread for family.

If only someone would offer to feed me. What a novel idea.

#grief

My grief comes in tidal waves that get bigger when I have to deal with the pressures of extended family. Today, I didn't have to listen to any of them judge me for the choices I'm making, and I feel more like myself.

#grief

Drove 8 hrs to handle some estate stuff. #vegan Applebee's carside-to-go for the win.

#grief

Grief turned me into a time traveler. One smell, one song, one line of handwriting—and I’m gone. Back to when they were alive. Back to when I didn’t know I was losing them.
 #grieving #grief

I have to go to NY next weekend to get the estate sale going. Because of things like this, I couldn't work my old job or start my new one this month, which means I'm losing income I depend on. I'll be okay, but I can't imagine how people with less job flexibility manage everything.

#grief

To make up for yesterday's meltdown, I scheduled my tattoo consult for this afternoon 🐯

#grief

Scheduled an appointment to take my dad's truck to the dealership to address a recall for a faulty bolt. Got in and it wouldn't start + a bunch of dinging and errors went off. Normally, the first thing I'd do is call my dad. Now, I'm waiting for a tow truck 💔

#grief

No, I don't have someone who can send you photos for the estate sale. It's just me, doing EVERYTHING on my own, from another state.

#grief

😯 same day for me.

It's been just over 3 months since I lost my dad. A lot of chaos has calmed down, so now I have time to feel. Today's feels: missing calls with him and my nieces and nephew. This really fucking sucks.

#grief

NO KINGS Macomb, Illinois · No Kings **In America, we don’t put up with would-be kings.** NO KINGS is a national day of action and mass mobilization in response to increasing authoritarian excesses and corruption from Trump and his allie...

I'm attending No Kings's event, “NO KINGS Macomb, Illinois” - sign up now to join me! www.mobilize.us/nokings/even...

A vegan molass cookie on a yellow plate.

Today was bad. On top of trying to figure out kid stuff, I learned the mail forwarding for my dad didn't go through. I received a STACK of mail with several delinquent payment notices.

I made these cookies to try and feel better earlier, but now I don't even want to eat them.

#vegan #grief

Planning a cross-country move while continuing to figure out life after losing my dad and getting ready to leave for my fav. conference is a lil' crazy, but I'm really looking forward to C&W!

The leaderboard doesn't lie 🤣🤣

Question: Why do I get subtle whiffs of pee lying in bed?

Answer: Smaller dog (65 lbs of pure sweetness) peed not far from where you put your head, making a perfect circle that went through the sheet, foam topper, and mattress cover.

I like it, too! It's strange to say it smells nice, but it's a comfort.

My mom's recipe box smells like cigarettes. It's a comfort when I remember both my parents are gone now.

Today marks 1 month since my dad died. I miss him calling and saying, "Watcha baking today?"

When you have no more fucks to give and your mom's estranged sister pops out of the woodwork to ask about your nephew and nieces, you not-so-politely tell her to fuck off.

Some excitement in the midst of a lot of chaos: I received the 2024-2025 College of Arts and Sciences Award for Excellence in Teaching with Technology!

Today's grief: 1. Crying, alone, in a booth at the Chinese buffet. 2. Getting in a fist fight with the Dish satellite. I was victorious in retrieving what I needed, but I bled on some pieces in the process.

Thanks! Now I know to wear long sleeves in the barn hah

That is definitely love!

As if cleaning out my dad's house wasn't enough. Now, I'm having an allergic reaction to something in the barn.

Marvin A. “Butch” Waterman Jr. Marvin A. “Butch” Waterman Jr., 65, passed away suddenly on Saturday, April 5, 2025 at home. Born in Dunkirk on Sept. 4, 1959, he was the husband of the late Sheila “Shelly” (Smith) Waterman. He is su...

💔
www.observertoday.com/obituaries/2...

The first thing people ask is what's happening with the kids (my nephew and nieces). I know I'm a grown-up, but it'd be great if they acknowledged that, you know, MY dad is gone.

Becoming the legal guardian of a 13-year-old and twin 9-year-olds overnight is a lot.