MarkB

If someone served up that ‘surprise’ for me, I’d be underwhelmed. ‘Why didn’t you just say?’

If they served it up to upstage what I’d planned, I’d be miffed.

They’re strange people. #TheArchers

If it’s good enough for a Mulligan, it’s good enough for an Archer. #TheArchers

Wouldn’t the decent way to tell them their inheritance be to talk to each of them individually? I think that was crass. Typical Archer behaviour. #TheArchers

Pip: “What about Elizabeth, Shula, and Kenton?”

David: “Ah yes. Well, you’ll be their bitch, obviously.” #TheArchers

Squabbling Brookfields! Sorry about that. You deserve better. Put your feet up and feel smug. #TheArchers

🥳 Clarrie’s been liberated and broken her programming: life’s sweeter if you don’t genuflect to an Archer.

🎵How you gonna keep her, down on the farm, now that she’s seen Underwoods?

Hopefully she’ll spread the word and it’ll be the start of a movement. #TheArchers

Weird and almost universal revisionism today. Even at the time, it was pretty clear that Mandelson wasn't appointed *despite* his dodgy links but *because* of them. Trump's Washington is a dirty swamp. Mandelson was deemed a man able to swim in it. This wasn't a secret. Everybody said it out loud.

Plod rock up during Agadoo and arrest Pip for GBH against George.

Subsequently:
She‘s sent down for 5 years, after which she moves away because the Grundys treat her as a pariah.
Stella finds someone better.
Everyone lives happily ever after.
#TheArchers

Makes me nostalgic for last year’s cricket obsession. #TheArchers

I’m fairly certain Ruth said “paaaaty”. Unfortunately we’ll probably have months of wedding planning. 🤦‍♂️ #TheArchers

This engagement party: Oh what a shame, I’m washing my hair that night. When is it again? #TheArchers

Mandelson wants the BBC to report that he denies everything, but for some reason does not want to go on the record denying everything.

Hot Take 2: if this is Mandelson's position, there is no reason for him not to issue a statement to this effect. If he has not issued a statement to this effect, the BBC's "understanding" of his actual position may be inaccurate. Stop letting people play this game.

They’ve never been precious about repeats before. *Now* they start? Well, okay…

It needs to get rid of all of them instantly - no dragging it out for months.

How about a sink hole? #TheArchers

She thinks she’s on a roll getting people to give up well paid jobs to skivvy for them: she’s probably expecting to bully Dane into shovelling her yogurt as the price of walking out with her. #TheArchers

With Wet Paul on hand to say ‘Yay’. Perfect moment for a gas explosion. Is that really too much to ask? #TheArchers

Oh for goodness sake, Stella. Take it as a sign. Run! #TheArchers

Seeds? Will Fallon throw in some secret ingredients? That’d spark things up, come summer. Way better than eternal cricket. #TheArchers

Instead of conferring titles, gongs and baubles and then demanding those titles, gongs and baubles be removed…

…perhaps as a modern, mature polity we should have far fewer titles, gongs and baubles in the first place.

She was a showgirl, with yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

A bit like Julia Pargeter. #TheArchers

There’s ‘it’s déjà vu all over again’ but I think that’s fairly modern.

Given that the awful Brookfields ignored Mulligan’s farm for decades, they should back back off and keep their sour input to themselves. This has been a Public Service Announcement. #TheArchers

The person at Nursery said she wasn’t school ready (in her last week, having said nothing before). She’s now been at school 5 months, which should prove that right or wrong: surely they’d say ‘she’s fine’ or ‘she’s eating the crayons’, given the fuss at the time. Maybe they forgot. #TheArchers

From the #TheArchers Hanging SL files:

At one stage, Martha was thought to have arrested development on the basis of something ill advised said by someone at nursery. Has there been any update since the daily angst? Was everything okay after all?

Churchwarden linked to foreign-born billionaire is behind £200k Reform gift The man whose firm made the donations will not discuss where the money came from, nor his ties to wealthy Farage allies who may not hold citizenship Gabriel Pogrund, Whitehall Editor Saturday January 31 2026, 8.00pm, The Sunday Times Share A churchwarden from Potters Bar who works for the family of a highly secretive, Kazakhstan-born billionaire can be revealed as the man behind £200,000 of donations to Reform UK., John Richard Simpson is a 59-year-old

Why isn't this a major news story?

I enjoyed reading this column, which somehow blames Keir Starmer for the result of an employment tribunal following laws passed under the Tory government regarding an incident and suspension that took place before the last election.

The abandonment of Labour’s moral crusade The UK is taking a cynical but fruitless turn to the reactionary and insular on aid, immigration and trade

Refreshing to see a rhetorical device often used by anti-migration politicians flipped by @alanbeattie.bsky.social "More people attend English League Two football matches to watch the likes of Accrington Stanley and Crawley Town in an average week than arrived by small boat in the whole of 2025."

Oooooh, another tease! Something 🤔 in Azra’s past means she (a medic) doesn’t like hospitals!

File that, alongside ‘someone hit George with a bottle’, under ‘L’ for ‘Let me know when it’s over because they’ll drag it out well beyond human endurance’. 🤦‍♂️ #TheArchers

Live from the shop.

Susan: “Ooh Azra, he’s had a touch of the vapours.” #TheArchers

Early reviews are in:
‘Even if they showed this on a plane, people would still walk out’

"it's my way or the highway wait where are you going?"