Jon Reed

I’m AWOL (Ambridge Without Listening) this weekend, having a rare break from all the agricultural excitement. Raise a #PintOfShires for me, clop those coconut halves together furiously, and see you next week, #TheArchers tweetalongers!

YouTube video by Kwong & Co. Goodnight From Me and Goodnight From Him

Thank you, #TheArchers tweetalongers. That’s all we’ve got time for this evening, so it’s goodnight from me – and goodnight from him. Goodnight! #TheTwoRonnies

Mrs Overall, wearing a tabard as usual, carries a tea tray with a mug on it, and also a tiny, barely mug-height model of some of the stones from Stonehenge. She looks very pleased.

Miss Babs: “Mrs O, we’ve just had a delivery of a VERY old antique. It’s none other than STONEHENGE!”
Mrs Overall: “Oh, I am pleased!” #AmbridgeAntiques #TheArchers #SpinalTap #Stonehenge

George: “I got the job.”
Amber: “Well, that’s all good, then. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?” #TheArchers

Ruth: “Well, that’s Ben graduated, then.”
David: “Yes.” #TheArchers

George: “Gis a job.”
Esme: “OK.” #TheArchers

David: “Shall we give a running commentary to audiodescribe Ben’s graduation ceremony for the listeners?”
Ruth: “I suppose we’d better.” #TheArchers

Esme: “Hi George. Could you drop over to the farm today at 7pm please? And again tomorrow at 2pm? And also on Sunday at 11am?” #TheArchers

Amber: “It’s not easy.”
George: “Not for me, it’s not. But we’d better try to read it out anyway.” #TheArchers

Mrs Overall, lying on the floor of Acorn Antiques, has just choked to death on her own macaroon. Miss Babs and Miss Berta are standing over her. They all think filming has finished. Mrs O says: “I thought that went quite well, didn’t you?” Miss Babs replies: “Mm, it was all right.” The director says, in a loud whisper, “STILL ON AIR!”, and Mrs O plays dead again.

Lilian: “I thought that went quite well, didn’t you?”
Justin: “Mm, it was all right.”
Studio Manager (whisper): “STILL ON AIR!” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Rex: “What were you doing on the night of the attempted murder?”
Joy: “Er… talking to Rochelle? While Mick smashed George’s head in with a free bottle of Chardonnay, obvs.” #TheArchers

Joy: “Tea? Coffee? Bottle of Chardonnay?” #TheArchers

Lilian: “We’re here to celebrate my mum,
With stained glass on the mound,
She would have liked the look if it,
Were she not in the ground.” #TheArchers

David: “I wasn’t expecting to spend my lunchtime following a mini-digger around.”
Kirsty: “No one expects to spend their lunchtime following a mini-digger around!” #TheArchers #MontyPython

Kirsty: “It’s such a mess!”
Rex: “I know, Kirsty. But I know a good script editor.” #TheArchers

A teeny, tiny stained glass window with a sunrise design, barely the size of a postage stamp, held on a metal chain by a thumb and finger. Intended for a doll’s house.

Mick: “It’s nice, but… a bit small? Won’t people notice?”
Kirsty: “No, Mick. This is radio. We can just audiodescribe it bigger.” #TheArchers

George: “Oh dear, I think I’m going to swoon like a Victorian lady!”
Susan: “Quick, Dr Malik – fetch the smelling salts!” #TheArchers

Susan: “...and 53p change. Enjoy your antiques!” #TheArchers #AmbridgeAntiques

Kirsty: “You said you went to your mate’s pub on New Year’s Eve?
Mick: “Er…. that’s right… me and Joy had a smashing time after The Bull.”
Rex: “Really? REALLY, tho?”
Mick: “Yes, mostly smashing a free bottle of Chardonnay over George’s head. Bye!” #TheArchers

Mick: “Hey, you did right good at tossing the caber on Burns Night, Rex.”
Kirsty: “Yes, everyone’s saying that Rex is a right tosser.” #TheArchers

Esme: “It’s not an easy one. Not easy at all. But we’d better read it out anyway.” #TheArchers

Neil: “You’ll make wonderful parents.”
Amber: “Do you think so? Truly?”
Susan: “No, not really.” #TheArchers

Amber: “This apple crumble and custard from a packet is delicious, Susan.” 👀😬 #TheArchers

Esme: “My other work is well-paid.”
Ruth: “You’re moonlighting in #CoronationStreet too?” #TheArchers

Amber: “So, Burns Night went well?”
Susan: “Yes, and Rex tossed his caber on The Green.”
Amber: “Goodness. Was he moved on by the police?” #TheArchers

Ruth: “You finished milking those 60-odd pages?”
Esme: “No, still another 45 to go, I’m afraid.” #TheArchers

Akram: “What you need is a meal to heal.”
Susan: “That’s all very well, Akram. But I’m busy with a shop to mop, a script to fix, and a sound effect to disinfect.” #TheArchers

YouTube video by Lele Chaplin This is Spinal Tap - Stonehenge scene

Justin: “I really think you’re just making a much too big a thing out of it.”
Kirsty: “Making a big thing out of it would have been a good idea!” #TheArchers #SpinalTap

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyh1...

‘Mother and Child (Divided)’ by Damien Hirst (1993). It’s a cow, cut in half lengthways, and displayed in two tanks of blue formaldehyde that one can walk around and in between. And also a calf, who has received the same brutal, artistic treatment.

David: “Oh, that is astonishing!”
Kirsty: “It’s exquisite!”
Justin: “And such a perfect representation of Peggy’s approach to agriculture and motherhood." #TheArchers #DamienHirst

A tiny, tiny model of Stonehenge on stage with rock band Spinal Tap. From the film ‘This is Spinal Tap’ (1984).

Kirsty: “Rex thinks the plans are wrong. The dimensions don’t make sense.” #TheArchers #SpinalTap #Stonehenge