Azazel

I just came here real quick to dunk on all of y'all. My wife feels so comfortable with me she bought me a gun, and if that doesn't sum up the type of relationship we have, idk what does 🫶🩷

It's fkn going down tonight

If the Taun taun in Empire Strikes Back died from the cold on Hoth, how did it still have enough body warmth to save Luke's life?

Been a long day. Gonna have a cup of coffee and take a nap

I think it's great you have good elf esteem

Is it time yet, for replacing the term "dumpster fire" with "tesla fire"

Now i want to see what happens if i go to the Dr and say i just want to visit, not a consultation or anything, just ask about his day, maybe have a cup of coffee..

Sorry i haven't been around lately, i somehow wandered into the "hot girl clown" side of TikTok and it's kind of a wrap now tbh

If coffee is the condom, what would be the plan b? 4 loko maybe

I also stretch the foreskin as much as possible

There's also coffee only meant for your butthole

Been farting a lot today, if you even care

My mom and mother in law are in town to visit, and well, to let you in on how is going, I'm currently in bed (pull out couch in the living room) in my jeans and I've accepted that this is going to happen. i will stay like this until tomorrow.

"Whatever bro, i sucked 100 dicks last night like a champ, you probably tap out after 4"

Nothing says efficiency like micromanaging

"hit that mf with the air compressor and put it back"

I have a 6" Ryobi that i got out of a dumpster. No rests or guards, but that mf sings.

my wife and I saw you from across the bar and were trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty

FYI: not liking my skeets makes me more powerful

I always say "the juice is loose" when i cum

True story: i rented a bouncy house for my neice's 5th bday. Jumping around before party starts and i found a 20 bill tucked in a corner. Fkn score

Snu snu?

Not saying it's right, but i understand

How can you tell?

We got an inch of snow last night and every single one of my coworkers called out today so my supervisor said they didn't have enough ppl to open the store today.

Y'all can make fun of Texans all you want, but i get to stay home now and eat pastries and maybe make soup

a cartoon character is holding a cane and the word need is written on it . ALT: a cartoon character is holding a cane and the word need is written on it .

Reminds me of

Pick someone in the back of the elevator and just never break eye contact

Only if i can do that to your bewbs afterward

Don't forget the worms in the ear (or brain depending on who we talking about)