Rosie The Reaper

I can do anything I set my mind to after panicking first.

Virgo: This is the week you finally find out how guillotine-proof your neck really is.

sometimes you bada your bings
sometimes your bings bada you

😂

Just got dream job with DOGE! Thanks to everyone’s help and advice here. You all were right! Changing my name to Goebbles D. Znutz clinched the gig.

“Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror."

Just feeling Pratchetty today.

If you say 'heteronormative' or 'unhoused person' or 'food insecurity' you're basically talking gibberish and nobody can understand you but if you say you can see inflammation in children at the airport and that vaccines lower IQ or that germs are a myth you get to fire all the scientists.

I really liked this movie! Why can't these guys just let people enjoy things.

Omg, yes this has happened too. 🤣

She slayed. I slode. We slew.

I'm saving that for sugary cereals.

Marrying a man with excellent taste has its downsides. The main one being that he refuses to buy me spaghettios.

Getting all oiled up for my date with destiny

What I have isn't exactly free will, but it's similar, like an orca.

Careful might get elected to something.

The abyss called. Your screams are noted.

Photo of the USPS commemorative Good Night Moon forever stamps.

We must preserve the US Postal Service because UPS or FedEx would never do this.

[whispering at the deli] i too would like to be cured

Eminem says he’s gonna be rapping until he’s 100 years old and I, for one, cannot wait for him to drop his Social Security Administration diss track.

I assume that Cap’n Crunch had to work his way up the Navy ranks like everyone else, but turns out his first cereal, Seaman Crunch, was premature.

Somehow my life went from “thrift” to “vintage” and I have to admit it’s better that way.

She was so gassy that with just a gentle tummy squeeze you could play her like a novelty accordion.

My standup set at the astronomy conference failed to launch. Everyone was just too Sirius.

I was invited to do standup at the supercomputer conference, but the previous guy pentaflopped.

I tried to do a standup set at the vintage animation conference but there were too many Heckle and Jecklers.

anybody can breakdance if you tase them hard enough

Please don't make me choose between you and honey mustard.