BEAVE

Outside temperature: unholy. My will to live: buffering. My need for a hearty soup: unstoppable.

Wanted to perish peacefully under my blankets, but apparently I’m kept alive by my insatiable need for snacks.

the moon rising over some mountains in a desert-y landscape

guys look at this picture of the moonrise my sister sent me 🥹

still hoping to find that perfect blend of blandly ambiguous and wildly aspirational in the same skeet

[at the Christmas gala]
“How much for these cookies?”
“It’s for charity, any donation is accepted”
“Damn it, I don’t need this kind of pressure”

They say it’s impossible to tickle yourself but I keep trying

What else would you cool it down with?

Close enough

I went outside in this just to get soup ingredients. That’s how committed I am.

clean the blades on your ceiling fan, slob

Photo of a large curly chocolate brown doodle mid-yawn with his paws stretched out before him toward the camera. My hand is just to the left trying to get out of his way

big yawn, big stretchy

[eating banana bread] “wow, this is delicious, what other rotten fruit can we bake.”

testing the strength of our marriage by wearing socks with birkenstocks

I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.

False alarm. It’s just sugar.

You can slurp my soup if you wanna

You can shimmy down my chimney if you wanna

Y’all gotta tell me if you’re a piece of shit. It’s the rules.

He likes to snuggle his face in my tits after I make him cum and it’s the cutest thing.

We are the children of the dumpsters you couldn't burn

I carry most of my tension in my nutsack

So people here can lie to me, make exaggerated unsubstantiated claims about me, and betray me…but when I respond I’m the bad guy.

Good system 👍🏻

We’ve all been there, kid. Keep your head up 😘

should I read anything into the guy next to me on the plane offering me a mint

i'd rather not comment on how these ramifications were ramified.

tough guy that order coffee with 2 creams and 6 sugars. i'm sorry bro, were you looking for the ice cream shop?

🤌🏻

I’ll take both

Outside temperature: unholy. My will to live: buffering. My need for a hearty soup: unstoppable.