I almost peed laughing

I wrote a song inspired by a true story. To the tune of Popular: Baklava! You're gonna eat baklava!

The jokes. And I'm really sure my stove is off and my door is locked. But I should go check, right?

Wallace Shawn was canvassing for Zohran yesterday in my neighborhood and I missed it. Inconceivable!

"You need to arrive 15 minutes before your appointment time". I chose my 3:00 appointment time because that's when I can arrive, now you tell me to arrive at 2:45. So 2:45 is really my appointment time. Maybe you all should factor in those 15 minutes into your appointments, because this is silly.

It's begun. I just heard a christmas song in an ad. Can I fast forward to January please?

Hi. Hey. Mike here. When media companies cancel Late Night shows to appease fascist presidents, America fucking ends.

How would you react if you walked into a bagel shop and they asked you to wait outside because they open at 7am and it's 6:58?

What does she think happens if you unplug a laptop? As a tech support worker to my own technophobic mom, I can relate.

I haven't noticed many references to her work in the mini but that's good to know!

History has its eyes on you.

The clue for 7 across in the NYT mini for today is "What Santa, Gandalf and Dumbledore each have". 5 letters and somehow "elves" isn't the answer but it's totally true. (Also boo JK Rowling.)

What if I just use it to send angry tweets at my health insurance company because that's the best way to get them to actually help me?

Gasp!

I can't sleep so instead my brain reminded me of that time at a middle school dance when I asked a boy to dance and he said no and a minute later I heard him say to a friend, "You'll never guess who just asked me to dance" and then he realized I heard him. Thanks brain!

@cignahealthcare.bsky.social continues to make me miserable and waste my time and energy. That's the update.

My least favorite kind of Teams message: "I just emailed you, can you check it when you get a chance?"
That was already my plan, in fact!

I'm here for this. Which one is your favorite? Do you rank them?

More of this, please. A LOT more of this, please.

British coworker: can you send this request? If I do it, I'll get shot.
Me: I don't know, as an American, I'm way more likely to get shot.
Too dark?

This whole covid has killed my senses of taste and smell thing is so odd. What do I want for dinner? Chewy and wet no flavor? Soft and cold nothing?

Your IKEA product name is your name spelled backwards with an umlaut.

I am YLÏMË, a bookshelf with many spots for tchotchkes.