lambocalgreasing.bsky.social

Unless one needs to either atone for a groan-bone (ie YOU), or phone home (aka “the ET exception”)

If ever the reader has wanted for a definition of beautiful, crystalline punnery… whose sheer audacity makes your knees weaken… allow me to present this diamond-honed groan zone:

me: getting late, I'll head bedward before long

Edward Furlong: *peering out of bedroom* huh?

me: oh sorry, I'm just ready for bed

Ed Begley Jr: *peering out of other bedroom* did you say Begley for Ed

me: as a second punchline, that isn't any better

Eddie Vedder: *falling through ceiling*

This fascist military tirade could have been an email

The first thing I think of when I see Kimmel getting shut down is all of his staff, who don’t have millions of dollars, and who are about to be suddenly stuck without a job in a shitty job market where the cost of living is too high

Back when I was in college and wrote for the school newspaper I wrote a whole thing about the Telecommunications Act of 1996, which eliminated media ownership restrictions, and how that was going to fuck us over forever and people were like "Dan, I dunno this is an art school," well eat shit fuckos.

the kimmel thing is bad but as long as they arent rounding people up indiscriminately based on race, building concentration camps and talking about eradicating those they deem sexual deviants, i think we’ll be ok

What people think they 80s were like versus what the 80s was actually like.

Apologies if I missed this, but I present the “Tim Curry Is the Villain” trilogy of :

- Rocky Horror Picture Show
- Fern Gully
- Home Alone 2

BONUS POINTS : there are like 3 other movies this works for

While orange cats (which I must assume this cat was from the name) are stupid, they are also legion, and you can never be sure that a heretofore-unseen stupid orange travel cat hasn’t entered the chat.

Do y'all think the Animaniacs have soft, fur-like skin or smooth, slick skin like an orca? Either way, whatever Yakko's pulling out of those pants, I’m suckin.

Well I would certainly have to compliment her on the smartly and subtly affixed carabiner water bottle on her waist, in addition to her hand. What hydration skills!

Time to just huck a banana at the window everyone he’s also… hucking a banana at the window.

hey, use a good fresh box cutter and try again. Cardboard is ubiquitous and I have faith in your will

I don’t know what this “gravity” is, but when you said the word “animating” I got really horny, so thanks!

Well… how did it go?!

This is absolute top shelf. Condragulations

Screencap from the movie Dune showing Lady Jessica saying "use the voice." While handling a drink in a clear glass

Comedian and actor Bobcat Goldthwait smiling awkwardly from I believe the movie Scrooged

hot take: this lava. i am taking it. ow ow ow ow hot hot hot

Eurovision tribute callbacks all sound like ABBA or “something from Monkey Island”

🎶 i wear my sunglasses at night

because of LED headlights🎶

people will be like "i'm bored" meanwhile there's baking soda and vinegar in the cupboard. make a volcano dude

I don’t know you but I have confidence in you that you could do it. Just try making one now, could just be crappy with no lid and tape around the corners, just go for it!

This clearly indicates Trump doesn’t know how to ride a bicycle, right?

This is the first pope I can guarantee has been on LSD.

The Thing (John Carpenter’s)

I asked some of the coolest and funniest people I know to fill in the blank of “I have the power of God and ______ on my side”, WITH the hint of “from Vine”…

One of them answered “the law”, and another “wine”. They are both 38.

What is happening to our country

Got my new American made smartphone today and it shot me in the chest

*stripper

I have to submit Christmas Vacation… maybe not better by taste standards, but surely more iconic?

but NBT is a banger and I can still sing the “Bone-ripper” rollercoaster song from memory