Luke

“It IS tricky to rock a rhyme that’s right on time. I made a list of some other words that rhyme with time: Crime, tim, crumb and time.” - Run-G.P.T.

painting of a manatee reading a book in an underwater library on a table with a crab, two fish, and in the background a giant sea creature baring its teeth

Manatee reading a good book

did you say world cheese?

I cut Mario off in traffic and he threw a green shell into my face. everything tastes like sour cream and onion now. broke two vertebrae

[quiz show XXX porn parody called Who Wants to Be a Dildo-naire]

host: you'd like to bone a friend?

me: that's right, Penis Philbin

When the president does it, that means he's not a grouch

If you don’t read old stuff you’ll never discover that people in the olden days had the same thoughts and feelings and dreams and anxieties you do, sometimes articulated differently, sometimes exactly the same way. You are never truly alone in anything and old writings are a neon sign telling you so

hey I went to the jerk store and nobody knew you. they turned it into a Spirit Halloween, all new employees.

jacking off in one precise stroke like unsheathing a katana

Officer, for the last time, I'm naked because I drank an invisibility potion. Am I not making myself clear?

my younger self was a huge influence on how i grew up

adairsofair commented on instagram: In elementary school we weren't allowed to wear hats and in 3rd grade this boy, Joey, came in with a hat on and we were all like "Joey ur gonna get in trouble!" And the teacher told him to take it off but he said he got a really bad hair cut so the teacher and him went out in the hall and then they came back in and she said "Joey is allowed to wear a hat today"

laughing so hard I might cry at this random instagram comment

while you were studying the blade, I was also studying the blade. we have the same blade exam and I want to do well.

Please sign and share to help this innocent man who not only didn’t pull the trigger, but the man who did got life without parole, while Sonny is set to be executed for a murder he didn’t commit on March 12th. Gov Kay Ivey needs to do the right thing.

Yes,,, your boy has taken a ride in the 4 man bobsled,,, but im an adrenaline junkie and needed to try skeleton. And now I’ve officially joined the team and am gonna try to start competing.

66 years old going 66 mph.

babe wait

A poster: "SOME PEOPLE WANT IT TO HAPPEN, SOME WISH IT WOULD HAPPEN, OTHERS MAKE IT HAPPEN.” - MICHAEL JORDAN

None pizza left beef

Roses are red
Stem held between teeth
I ordered us takeout but it's

always keep em guessing

lying serenely in my death bed, at peace, ready. surrounded by my loved ones. telling them that if I find proof of a life beyond this one, I'll send a message back to my body to shit itself

Hey y'all.

A South African dev released a blackity black game during BHM and it's currently getting the usual suspects in the reviews.

Imma grab this up myself anyway, but can we all be some chums and help push the racists out of the reviews? 🙂

All chocolate is Dubai chocolate to me cause I do buy it

"Jebidiah! What hath thou done?"
"Thou bidden me to raze a barn, did you not?"
"I said raise!"
"Oh."

A tourist bunny walks into a small giftshop, selling seashells and nautical trinkets. The only one in the shop is sweeping up. It is a sunny summer afternoon

Daily bunny no.3224 is getting some souvenirs

Sorry, I can't watch the BIG GAME. I going to be busy watching videos of these tiny frogs that suck at jumping for the next 3-5 hours.

happy Super Bowl

brother, i know that's right

showing up to mortal kombat with what you feel is a pretty bad ass finishing move that's like, a huge fancy spin kick. probably a top ten finishing move at the tourney. you don't know there's gonna be monsters and sorcerers and shit yet. it's bull shit they don't tell you that

Mochi, a red and white corgi, with her head squished straight on against a wall. her nose is pushed to the side because of the squishing. her eyes are wide open.

we decided to do the test where you see if your dog would put their paw out before they hit a wall, and this was the result for Mochi lmao