hayden johnson

i might be dressing to slutty because i was just walked by a hotel and this security guard said “don’t even think about coming in here”

i was walking to taco bell

dog jesus:

i turned this wine into water from the sink

these AI companion ads are really freaking me out

“your AI friend won’t interrupt you to use the bathroom”

“your AI friend won’t come over and eat all your snacks”

now i’m at my friend’s house hungry as hell covered in piss telling them they’re right about everything

i think all protesting has its purpose but maybe next time the signs can be a bit more “abolish ice” or “free palestine”

instead of “trump is a big ugly gay guy who has a small fucking penis and loves drinking big buckets of cum! he might be hitler but even worse he is gay.”

cuomo going on logan paul’s podcast in an effort to win the “young people with no friends” vote

i love halloween because every year it gives closeted trans people the chance to experiment

closeted trans women go as female characters

closeted trans men go as male characters

and closeted non-binary people go as like the big spooky pumpkin person or whatever

AI is doing 24/7 surveillance, compiling watchlists, and causing kids irreversible emotional damage

AI is basically Santa if instead of milk and cookies he ate 4 billion gallons of water

everytime zohran pops up he’s like

“we’re hosting a neighborhood soccer tournament to get new york’s communities engaged!”

and everytime cuomo pops up he’s like

“all italians are christopher columbus! mamdani’s disrespect for columbus is insulting! if mamdani wins, pasta will leave the city!”

they want to convince you that trans people live completely different lives than you, but that’s just not true!

we know this because by the time dylan got to like day 50 of girlhood she was like “okay so today we’re eating snacks”

happy national coming out day to the first 8 guys i slept with, maybe this is the year!!!

who do conservatives want to play the halftime show??? i’m sure if i asked my uncle he’d be like

ohhh it’s gotta be Bobby “The Sticks” Applebees

and then it’s like a guy whose whole discography is about cheating on his wife and also he’s been dead for thirty years

they should invent a feature where you can search for people by pronoun

I am OUTRAGED that Netflix has a kids show with a “nonbinary” cow.

Back in my day, we had normal looking cows (boys) and cows with a tiny waist, a big long ponytail, lipstick, blush, eyelashes, a big bow in its hair and two hoop earrings (girls).

Why do they keep forcing this gender stuff on us?

my photos app thinks my three best friends are my ex, joe biden, and a girl i haven’t spoken to since 2016

wow i can’t think of anything worse than being taylor swift right now

i actually love the idea of an AI actress because i hate when women are also people

(presidential debate 2027)

JD VANCE: poor people are poor because they don’t work hard.

GAVIN NEWSOME: i will personally imprison every homeless person.

THE ROCK: maaaan kevin hart is short as hell!

every AI ad is like

“hey gemini, what would i have for lunch?”

and then the phone is like

“sandwich”

and the guy is like

“wow”

In Texas, the fine for a DUI is $2,000

The fine for trans people using the “wrong” bathroom is $125,000

This is because trans women piss so much and so hard that if they don’t use a boy toilet, the pipes explode, which makes peepee poopoo flood the streets and causes hundreds of car accidents.

most trans people aren’t dangerous and the ones that are dangerous are too busy railing me to do anything bad

so every conservative can say the shooter was a 10 foot tall tr*nny who eats babies and killed george washington but jimmy kimmel can’t say that maybe it was just some guy???

yeah one of my biggest issues with trans porn is that halfway through they always stop kissing, turn to the camera, and repeat “assassinate charlie kirk” for 20 minutes

i never thought i’d see the right so determined to make a young christian man transgender

they’ve got kash patel putting wigs on that boy while telling him he has beautiful bone structure

“transgender ideology” and it’s just a depressed person who uses discord

one of the funniest things the right insinuates is that all trans people agree with each other

i wonder why people are dehumanizing a guy who spent his whole adult life making money off dehumanization

is there already a list of transgender people who own guns? does that list have their phone numbers? does the list include if maybe they’d want to kiss me?

america deserves to know!

ah yes malcolm gladwell, the genius behind “if you do one thing a bunch of times you’ll get good at it”

many people live in tgirl desserts where you have to drive hours to get to the nearest tgirl

when i’m president, i will make sure every american has access to tgirl

okay i’m blushing…