Louise Atkinson

Girls, it’s the 15th of February, a truly underrated public holiday.
A day of optimism, practicality, and very good reductions.
Prosecco, chocolates and sex toys now have huge reductions.

I like to think of it as Un-Boxing Day.

So here’s wishing a very Happy Un-Boxing Day to all who celebrate.

My days? Oh, just popped for my smear test. Lying there, legs akimbo only to realise the curtain wasn’t fully closed and a random man casually walked in asking if he’d left his keys in the room.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be relocating to a remote cave with zero human interaction for the foreseeable

Heard an interview about the Olympic penisgate scandal. The reporter asked,"Is there any hard evidence?"
​Nobody laughed. Not one person.
​I’m sorry, but if you walk right into a double entendre like that and nobody titters, I think you should legally have to start the interview again.

We all agree the Goofy Movie soundtrack is elite. But why does nobody talk about the Jetsons Movie soundtrack?? Tiffany really said “future pop” and meant it, like someone found a boombox buried in 2062.

I’ve always thought that if The Traitors gets to the end and it’s only Traitors left, they shouldn’t just automatically split the money.
They should have to Golden Balls it.
Sit them down. Smile politely.
And make them choose: split… or steal.

My best friend told me on a call today with senior stakeholders, she was trying to make a point and wanted to use the term "2 birds 1 stone". Instead what came out was "one bullet many victims." Anyway, they're now staying out of her way and letting her get on with whatever she wants

Me, an introvert, when people ask: 'how do you plan to decorate your house?'

As I head into 2026, I’m adopting the mindset of a northern woman I once heard speaking about a colleague she found smug: "Don't have the demeanor of a know it all, if you don't know 'owt".

At that stage of the festive proceedings where the fridge and its contents resemble Pandora’s Box: opening it is so tempting, but the wrath it will unleash is probably not worth it.
Please, I just want some cheeses for us meeces 😭

Just at my GP and under their tree is a box that says "specimen drop off here" and can’t tell if the NHS has recruited Santa to help with deliveries for the holidays or if this surgery has wildly misunderstood Christmas presents

Well, what an exceptional offer....

People love to complain about how awful IT ticketing systems are, but no one ever mentions that forcing Hans Gruber to submit a ticket at the Nakatomi office might’ve actually slowed him down in Die Hard. Just one more blessing to count, really.

we left out a mince pie and a brandy for Santa, and I really hope the neighbours were balancing things out with a black coffee and some toast. Because looking back, I’m suddenly worried that we were enabling Santa’s drink-driving and I don't want santa to be using a reindeers arse as an air bag.

Thought for the day...
What bread is to soup, is what biscuits are to tea.
Therefore, a modest dunk of bread in a mug of soup is perfectly normal, so by the same logic, it should be entirely acceptable to enjoy a bowl of tea and dunk in the biscuit equivalent of an entire loaf of bread.

This sounds like a scene an improv group would make up at the Edinburgh Fringe

It's exceptional

watching a Hallmark Christmas movie where the heroine has to invent a new scent before Christmas, as her last one got rejected because *checks notes* the executive who tested it said it smelled like pine, which triggers her PTSD from when she got trapped as a child… in the pine section of an IKEA.

And is this the name of the single or the album? Seems like a strong genre

Genuine question, with gingerbread houses...when do you eat them? Because leaving them out surely they will go stale after a few days. So do you make it and then eat it immediately? Just let it go stale? Build 2 identical houses; one for display, one for eating? A timeline would be great.

Joined a meeting with a German company today. 3 of us hopped on early, I tried to spark some small talk, and 1 guy just says:
“Well, we can use this time to conduct email admin.”
Then immediately mutes himself.

Peak efficiency. Zero chit-chat. German engineering in meetings. 10/10

"What will you be dressing up as for the xmas party?"

Me:

I think tables 1 and 4 pushed together and table 3 near by. Happy for table 2 to be by the toilets or something.

people saying its that time of year when we hate Alan Rickman for breaking Emma Thompson’s heart. But don’t forget it’s ALSO the season where we all wish we were dating Jack Black in The Holiday and lived in a remote cottage in Surrey, where we just sit and drink wine and read books all xmas.

Feel we need to update the 'you've won a beauty contest' card in Monopoly before Christmas.
More 2025 would be:
Congratulations! You’ve won the ‘Sitting in your pants watching Netflix the longest, with a bit of cheese down your front’ contest.
More realistic and, frankly, a far greater achievement.

A mince pie, brioche style wrap. It's a no from me. The best way I can describe it is it tastes like a poundland shop at Christmas. No thank you.

If method actors must live in character 24/7, can one of them please play a billionaire philanthropist next? Build us all something. Or just give us all a little cash. Or even just some nice cheese. Cheese would be good.

“I shall treat myself,” I said, cheerfully, purchasing a new top. Wears once and looks at label: 'hand-wash only'. Oh sure, let me just time-travel to 1892 and fetch my mangle. No thanks. I’ve got cheese to eat and television to judge. State of it.

Who do you think has the greatest love story?

Others: Anthony & Cleopatra. Napoleon & Josephine. Elizabeth Bennett & Mr Darcy

Me: probably these guys....

Somewhere between my 20s and 30s, “shots” stopped being sambuca and started being kombucha.I was killing off bacteria with alcohol and now I’m cultivating them with some vinegar. I’ve gone from toxic to probiotic.