Emily-at-Law

Insurance denied my baby’s NICU stay as not medically necessary. So true, king. I should have just intubated my baby’s critical airway at home.

Honestly, the "everyone is 12" theory is probably overshooting the age estimate by 3 or 4 years.

The worst part of no twitter is that I can’t tweet about how college basketball makes me sick and then tweet about how good college basketball is five minutes later

Making an effort to be on this bad website instead of the worse website. Here’s my baby btw.

It’s insane that it’s legal to show 9th graders this movies. It’s too powerful. Too horny.

telling my wife which musicals will never make money because of ambitious production decisions

I was literally thinking "how funny would it be if I revealed it's Jeremy Strong" alas...a cancelled two season amazon YA series still has me in her grips....

One of my last remaining true celeb crushes is nominated for a Tony and I’m trying to be normal about it while I watch with my wife

there will never be another person like ariana debose (derogatory)

Last night I took an edible to help me sleep and I can only assume that it’s the reason I woke up at 2am to check to see who the 2017 girls basketball Gatorade player of the year was

You can’t cure depression with drugs, you can only cure depressionwith a 65,000 word enemies to lovers fanfiction

My SIL left behind some cashew butter covered cashews at our house ….talk about using the whole buffalo

Is there anything more beautiful than the sound of an entire arena booing the opposing team

I’m back in Utah watching basketball in a hotel room with the ac cranked….yes, this is living

To think the pacers could have been playing this way the whole series but their generous hearts wanted to give the nova knicks something to hold onto….

Just found the girl who made me gay in high school (loaned me her copy of Tegan and Sara’s So Jealous) is now married to a woman……….not gooped….but still gagged….

HAHAHAHHAA YESSSSS BASKETBALL GOOD

AHHHHHHHH

Pretending I don’t care about the game so my team wins

People majored in psychology love to be like “i majored in psychology” and then follow up with the dumbest shit you’ve ever heard

Im not in grad school so now when I have complicated feelings about a book i read i go “oh yeah that was a weird one” and move on with my life. I love my beautiful smooth brains.

Utah is like if lululemon was a state (derogatory)

I always thought I’d be brave and assertive when it happened to me but instead I was a coward - today I spent a three hour flight with a man’s elbow in my stomach fully crossing the boundaries of his seat

Every top college bball recruit is a 19yo doing a gap year at some fake school called genesis dream academy

Straight men love playing capote because they can finally take out the faggy little voice they’ve been working on

I know I say this all the time but it’s crazy that my internet provider is the same company as my student loan servicer

The worst part of no twitter is that I can’t tweet about how college basketball makes me sick and then tweet about how good college basketball is five minutes later

Me: should we start watching the equalizer? It’s got queen latifah
Wife: no it’s on cbs, if we watch cbs we’re old

Why can’t you count cards, why is being good at math against the rules

Been a while but i made a new chain text