Pukey Suzuki (fka Jolie Laide)

now that I wear my glasses most of the time instead of contacts, I've taken to pushing them up on my face using a middle finger.

small rebellions still count.

yes, I am in the midst of an existential crisis

my cousin read one of my short stories that I sent her & said she wants to smack every character in the head. I think I'm doing something RIGHT here.

oh, you wanna call me WOKE when I, the fucking moderator, say that LUNAR NEW YEAR is inclusive? enjoy being DROP KICK BANNED, bitch

good morning, today in celebration of lunar new year, I am ordering beef noodle soup, pan fried pork potstickers, marinated tofu sheets, & pork hock to enjoy.
I will pretend my mother is here with me & judging the food.
I miss you, mom.

old friend in email trying to set up a remote meeting for us: Do you want me to send you a Zoom or facetime? I recall you not being in the Apple ecosystem

me: jeezus fucking christ please never type the words "apple ecosystem" ever again at me or i will explode in existential despair. zoom works.

I'm afraid to know where regular Coors is made

I've graduated to archers of loaf's WRONG so maybe things are going right!

I haven't played the damn thing in over a year so anything helps. I just trip over it every time I go to open the blinds

I need to give away, like, everything. fortunately I'm a new admin for my local FB buy nothing group so I can use that to everyone's advantage. who doesn't want free furniture, books, designer clothes & shoes?

I would then put a leaning bookshelf where the drum kit currently resides, and invest in a bunch of wall shelves for behind the couch for the rest of my books & media that's living in boxes or scattered on the floor/various tables currently.

without showing photos because my apartment is currently a disaster, should I give away my glass top dining room table and four chairs so I can move my electronic drum kit over there? I only use this table when I'm on my laptop. the surface is otherwise covered with random shit in boxes or bags.

This is not related to my last text!

Check in on old friends today, tomorrow, whenever you think of them. They may be struggling.

wah, "Los Angeles is haunted with ghosts for me" - fuck you, baby, make new memories

someone should come over here & slap the phone out of my hands before I text someone I should not, but goddammit I want to know "did you grow a spine yet"

hi, I would like to discuss this with you privately. my DMs are open.

I would like to slow dance with someone to "LONG AS I CAN SEE THE LIGHT" by Creedence in this rain

does anyone want to be cinematic, sentimental and very cold/wet?

sure, that'll work! or just use boring ole jalapeños since they have NO heat anymore (they're being bred for that)

I LOVE chicken corn chowder, with lots of Serranos and red bell pepper - just an idea :)

it's raining heavily here in Southern California & what better time to make a baked chili/rigatoni/cheddar mac with sour cream?

I tried to scroll through IG today but the sheer volume of ads trying to sell me shit while making me feel bad about myself is absolute torture & unnecessary. I do not need to buy cheap home goods from China nor do I want another 43256 dark red lipsticks. Let me age in my depression pit in peace!

I just offered to sit on a man's lap and slap him around, if that's how you're wondering my weekend is going

honestly, the next man I date should buy me a dictionary so I can throw it at him

that's my idea of romance though

I knew in my bones I could never truly love a man whose favorite artist was bone thugs n harmony AND didn't believe there was a difference between the words " median" and "medium"

I demand that you cease & desist with this replacements slander or I will have to sic my legal team on you (a ball point pen & a scrap of paper)

Diamond Dave is forever number 1!

Thank you! In some cases, it's better to not retraumatize people and this was the case. I hadn't thought of him in years.

oh yeah, I just remembered I dry rubbed a steak earlier today to make for dinner tonight, and I'll do a baked potato with sour cream/butter for the side.

I want the best of both worlds