iKapaAllan

The Mead Hall Bard’s French cousin.

Forgive me Father for I have changed providers

Left BT for Virgin. Cheaper, diabolical service
Left British Gas for Octopus
Cheaper, great service
Left O2 for Lebara. 66% off my bill
Changed Tesco for Aldi c. 30-40% off the bill
Changed Casillero del Diablo for Aldi Baron Amarillo. £3/bottle off

Forget the crab.

We want the spaniel story!

Not pro life.

Pro birth.

After that, you’re on your own, Jack.

“Just following orders”.

We’ve heard that before.

Just received my notification.

O2 bill going up 20%, and 40% more than they originally said it would.

2 hrs later: PAC received & new SIM-only deal from Lebara ordered via the ever-reliable Martin Lewis.

More data, 1/3rd of the O2 cost, even before the price rise, & a £25 gift voucher thrown in!

Two signs pointing in the same direction. One saying “Nuclear Power Plant” and the other saying “Spider Farm”.

Aah… It’s all starting to come together now.

Sounds like one of those “what could possibly go wrong” situations.

Played* guitar for many years.

Thought I’d have a bash at learning to play the piano.

Unfortunately it isn’t an easy instrument to pick up.**

* “played” being an extremely generous description.

** boom tss!

Paragraph 3.

Any idea how many more to come? Just need to plan the next 43 years of my life.

Is Nigel aware that what we have is already an insurance-based system?

The only difference is that insurance companies can’t get their cut from the current provider, or deny care to bump up their profits.

Ffs!

Had your cardiologist signed off on this?

Has Mrs Helm got the details to complete it in your…

…absence?

It’s the order of the topping application that really matters.

Revealed: GB News viewers more likely to believe any old shit.

There’s a story about a crab.

Hadn’t noticed.

Should be.

Stunned because he wasn’t getting his cut?

Boris Johnson breached rules designed to stop abuse of contacts made in public office, watchdog finds Johnson found to have breached rules after refusing to answer specific questions about allegations published by the Guardian

This sounds like a witch hunt to me.

I cannot believe that Boris Johnson would lie, break any rules, cheat, do anything dishonest, use his position for personal gain, or bring the office of PM into disrepute.

His track record speaks for itself.

Oh, wait…

www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

Me: Today’s a non-swim day. No need to eat too much.

Also Me: Eats a party pack of spring rolls and tempura prawns, three pistachio ice creams and two packets of sharing* crisps.

I think I may need therapy to discuss my impulse control.

* I didn’t.

Could be dinner for four.

Or eight.

(Considers becoming vegetarian)

He thought he was applying for a role in Gone With the Wind.

Several weeks of rehearsals wasted owing to a simple misreading of the original script.

“Frankish my dear, I don’t give a damn.”

Let’s paws for a moment while we consider this.

Perhaps she views the Truss’ years - sorry, days - as some sort of challenge?

And it keeps telling you to move further right?

Aah. Smiling because she can clock off.

The grim reaper stands with a scythe in a cemtary.

Not just the cold.

How my houseplants see me.

She’s smiling.

Do you think she just got some news about his health?

At the sound of the tone, the time will be 3 fingerlings to a Jersey Royal.

With friends like this, who needs enemas?

NEW: The Nerve @thenerve.news, the new publication launched by former Observer journalists including @carolecadwalla.bsky.social, has attracted more than 900 paying subscribers in its first week
pressgazette.co.uk/news/new-lau...

Ffs! Dave?

Five years I’ve “known” you. I can only imagine what your staff and colleagues must have thought.

Dave?!