Ron Penis

Really needed to hear this today

swiss Beavis and Butthead

I'm hearing through the grapevine that French's is planning to soon announce "French's Lawless Honey Mustard." I usually don't put stock in rumors like this, but I can't deny that the idea has got me excited.

doing the right thing will always be right regardless of whether anybody can witness or recognize it

I'm as ready as I'm going to be.

Wonder Woman defends herself from a Nazi as portrayed by Lynda Carter.

Some people were confused by my ICE post. This should clear it up.

For every sports post I see, I cast ten venomous homosexual spells into a humongous violet gem I will shatter on the day of the super bowl, releasing its evil to every last corner of this sickly world.

one of my opinions with the biggest AOE is that if you drive over the speed limit in a city you're an impatient moron

Everything is “passkey” nowadays so kids don’t even know about metal keys.

They unlock their secret diaries with pronouns and then write more pronouns in the diaries.

They are recounting pronoun odysseys from their weeks, the way you or I might write about what’s happened on “Happy Days”

this isn't a big deal. everybody from the Flintstones time is long dead, so there's no reason to get anxious about this, which I'm not doing.

soup 👍

Spaceship Pizza Restaurant

There's a secret to the stock market.

did we ever find out what the secret of the ooze was

youtube no longer thinks i am a schizophrenic dentist, now it thinks I'm a diabetic dentist

people love to discourse about how best to cook scrambled eggs but the fact of the matter is if you're cooking scrambled eggs you've already given up on having a "good" meal

hey. i like your septum piercing and dark souls tattoo. you look like you were really good at smash five years ago and have daddy issues. would you like to suck my dick in the bathroom ? it won't get hard but we can figure something out

duke ellington had the sauce. and you know what? he was goated.

AR-PHARAZÔN THE GOLDEN: What you have to remember also is he appeared in fair form.

CHOTINER: The next time the invasion of Valinor and the destruction of Númenor come up, I'll keep in mind that Sauron was handsome when it happened.

AR-PHARAZÔN: He was. Not that that excuses it.

CHOTINER: Right.

Julien's Pronunciation Guide only gets stronger every time somebody leaves a comment complaining about his intros

this holiday season, RICHARD will be proudly celebrating the "WOMEN of Christmas"

sorry, i can't come in to work. yeah, i saw a video of a cat being very sweet to a dog. sorry

john coltrane's giant steps is mistakenly listed under "compilations" rather than "albums" on tidal-- what is "mayor" Zohran Mamdani doing to resolve this situation!

It's just generally exhausting what whiny, sensitive pussies this generation of fascists is but it feels like a new low for the New York fucking Post to demand the guy they called a terrorist all year assure them he's not mad at them

New York electing its first Muslim mayor 24 years after 9/11 and rejecting the idiotic racism that would connect those events is actually a legit excuse for American triumphalism, but the people who say they love America the most hate all the best things about it.

The factional grifters will hate this, but the Mamdani-Spanberger-Sherrill axis actually suggests the outlines of a broad, emerging Dem coalition organized around both anti-Trump *and* affordability politics, not a party bitterly divided against itself.

Andrew Cuomo has just been detained by animal control and will be destroyed by 12:00 A.M. EST

To my friend Andrew Cuomo — rest now, brother. We have the watch. And I'll see you in Valhalla.

election night is no time for app timers

just cast my ballot for zohran here in chandler Arizona! i love being part of the democratic process