Nick

A drawing of a perfect phone that only has three buttons on it, one of them says IS HE DEAD one of them says AM I BROKE and the other one says RELAXING PUZZLE GAME

I invented a new phone to help save time in the morning

me texting my husband at the grocery store

Wisconsin residents are receiving text messages from a (202) D.C. area code, falsely urging them not to vote in the upcoming election. These messages are not legitimate.

you know these? The NIST Standard Cigarettes we like to joke about? the manufacture of the mattress you sleep on relies on these being available.

very nearly run over and killed by a frumpy indie babe in a toyota hilux in the parking lot of the ace hardware, narrowly avoiding a fate most of you would pay a thousand dollars or more for

And Inglorious Basterds taught me what to do with Nazis

funniest highlights of the philly police scanner, a thread

Maybe liberals used to fear a military coup. Now they’re desperately hoping for one.

If, for various reasons, you find yourself with a tighter budget in the coming months/years (or just want to save/invest as much as possible), remember to take full advantage of your local library — and not just for books.

Now updated with the breaking news that Elon Musk's team has been granted full access to the Treasury Department's federal payment system.

@markpocan.bsky.social Musk just took control of the treasury. Please help.

Big mood

Yes, this administration is dangerous and cruel, but they are also shockingly dim and incompetent.

Opportunities are everywhere.

Make everything as hard as possible. Resist every demand. Refuse entry without a warrant. Don’t take the buyout. Their problem solving skills are 📉

In the work group chat with 250 people including all our bosses: “good morning everyone, happy Tuesday! Would you rather be named ‘Frick Bentley’ or ‘Stump Chuggins’?”

The sole responses were 🌲 and 🚗

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying
theonion.com/rising-...

Anxious Nation Waits For Democratic Party To Do Something, Anything In Face of Republican Assault On Life And Liberty

'In America in the 1990's mid-tier drug lords would signal how dangerous they are by composing and reciting complicated rhymes' is a really amazing fact when you reflect on it

Uncle Sam pulls up his sleeves to beat the shit out of some Nazis and Klansmen with a wrench

YouTube video by The Onion Surgeon General: Smoking Fine As Long As You Only Do It When You Drink

Surgeon General: Smoking Fine As Long As You Only Do It When You Drink

TRUE STORY: Every morning I get up, and I do all my stupid NYT games (except Letter Boxed because I don’t like it) plus Immaculate Grid. And once I’ve won every game, I quietly say to myself “yayyy I’m the greatest person who ever lived”

Me: Oh no that trolley is going to run us over!

Guy tied up on the track next to me who somehow thinks he's actually the guy holding the lever: Lol cry more 😂