SparkNotes

New year, new me! *wakes from uneasy dreams to find I’ve been transformed into a gigantic insect*

every friend group has

- a woman who delights in anything ridiculous
- her soft-spoken sister
- a 27-year-old spinster with no prospects
- a wealthy and uncomfortable gentleman
- his best friend
- the best friend's deeply unpleasant sisters

ⓘ This user's good opinion once lost is lost forever

If I were the unnamed narrator in an Edgar Allan Poe story I would simply introduce myself

I adhere to the Jane Austen style of writing (dropping a surprise engagement around chapter 46 and naming the hottest character after myself)

having a shakespeare girl summer (I took a nap for 42 hours and everyone thought I died)

if you work online all day, avoid eye strain with the 20-20-20 rule! after 20 minutes of work, look at something 20 feet away, then leave ithaca to fight in the trojan war and return 20 years later a broken man

You want me to make friends? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

no I don't want to "work in an office," I want to be the catcher in the rye. what's that you ask? well you know how kids are always hanging out unsupervised near precarious cliffsides

New year, new me! *reappears onstage with the body of a man and the head of a donkey*

Hey