Mickey Lenin

The story ICE-stapo used to justify the shooting of a woman is directly contradicted by their body cams.
- she did not ram anyone, they rammed her car
- they were not boxed in, she was
- she fired no weapon and was unarmed.
- she did not “flee the scene”
- she was taken away by paramedics

Faced with a little Chicago traffic, specifically a scooter that slowed their progress, ICE-stapo agents flung tear gas out of their car window.
This resulted in an elementary school going into lockdown, one child hospitalized, and residents of this bucolic neighborhood running for safety.

“Pardoning Ghislaine Maxwell, is that something you’re open to doing?”
“Who?” - Trump

“I said one year before, in the book I wrote, whatever the h*ll the title, I can’t tell you, there’s a page devoted to the fact that I saw some somebody named osama bin laden and I didn’t like it”
Narrator: there is no such page in any of his “writings.”

Taking her rage to the airways,
Ilse Cosplay Noem is ranting
that her ICE-stapo is being denied access in Chicago to privately owned restrooms and refused service in restaurants.
We love this for her.

Heydrich-Miller penned an incendiary tweet attacking judges who don’t bow to this authoritarian regime.
Shortly afterwards the home of a judge who blocked Dear Leader’s seizure of voter rolls in SC burst into flames after a suspicious explosion.
Coincidence? 🤷‍♂️

Ilse Cosplay Noem is claiming there are bounties being placed on her precious ICE-troopers.
And she’ll present the evidence right after they raid Antifa headquarters and find the files… 🫣

BiBi’s spokespeople deny claims that Greta was:
- held in bug infested conditions
- denied sufficient food and water
- dragged by hair and abused
- forced to pose for propaganda photos.
Security Minister Ben-Gvir:
Nah, bruh, we totally did.

“The problem with Vietnam, we, you know, we stopped fighting. We woulda won easy. We woulda won Afghanistan easy but we got politically correct - oh, let’s take it easy.”
- Generalissimo Bone Spurs, who released 5k Taliban and signed the withdrawal agreement.

“Hoo-ya, navy.”
Melanoma

No peace train for us.
Cat Stevens cancels North American tour after the current regime fails to approve visas.

The Treasury has released a draft coin featuring Dear Leader.
Which is weird considering our currency can only feature people who have passed.
Do they know something we don’t?…
🤷‍♂️🫣🫣 🫣

Repelling from helicopters and arriving in armored vehicles, citizens (including children) were rousted from their beds in a warrantless attack on their Chicago apartment building in the middle of the night.
No one should think this is even remotely ok.

WWJZ
Who Would
Jesus Zip-Tie?

Jesse Watter’s doing entire segments speculating about Barron’s love life is mighty creepy.
And, seriously, crowing that he shut down an entire floor of a building that his daddy owns and has a three floor penthouse on isn’t quite as impressive as lil’ Jesse thinks.

“Well, the NFL suck, and we’ll win and god will bless us. We’ll stand proud at the end of day and they won’t be able to sleep at night because they don’t know what they believe. They’re so weak, we’ll fix it.”
Cosplay Noem-Grese has thoughts on the upcoming Bad Bunny halftime show.

Podcaster Krash has fired an FBI agent for refusing to subject former Director Comey to perp walk for the media.
Because all that really matters to this regime are histrionic images created for their rabid base.

Tomi’s (on the left) slow blink as she tries to process that Puerto Rico is part of the United States and therefore Bad Bunny is an American citizen is delightful and should be projected on the big screen during his Super Bowl appearance.

After being destructively dismantled by Dear Leader’s minions, a statue of him with BFF Epstein has returned to the Mall.
Whatcha gunna do, reopen the government to take it down again? 😂

A group of republican senators have notified the White House of their disapproval of Dear Leader’s plan to defund federal inspectors general and other watchdogs - led by Susan Collins whose gauge has moved from “concerned” to “mildly alarmed.”

“Should TPUSA put on a Super Bowl halftime show starring Creed?”
Little Timmy, putin stooge.

Narrator: He’s neglecting to mention the reason for the restoration of millions in funding…
- a judge ordered him to.

Dear Leader has forced the director of the Eisenhower Presidential Library to resign because he wouldn’t cough up a sword, that he is bound by law to preserve for the American people, to use as a ego boosting gift to a foreign monarch.

In an ostentatious display of hubris, Podcaster Krash is using tax payer dollars for a brazen act of self promotion with a gaudy challenge coin to pass out to subservient henchmen.
Bonus point for continuing the long maga tradition of completely misunderstanding the entire point of the Punisher.

The latest target of the flying maga monkey horde is…
Build-a-Bear 🐻
They’re claiming staff refused to write ol’ Charlie’s name on a certificate.
Except staff don’t write those, the customer inputs the information into a kiosk… 🤷‍♂️

“We don’t have any boats on the water. There are no boats. There are no fishing boats. There are no anything.”
- Dear Leader clearly upset something is missing at bath time.

A class action lawsuit has been filed against ICE challenging their ability to conduct warrantless arrests and detentions after a citizen in Alabama was twice snatched off a construction site where he was working.

In case anyone was unclear where Dear Leader gets his decorating ideas from, here he is in Leningrad in 1987.

*bellicose and belligerent posturing conditional on weather, power grid functionality, and Cancun flight schedules.

“I asked (the Chinese), why didn’t you continue buying soybeans? They had one word, Biden.”
- Secretary of Dissembling Bessent neglecting to mention that China bought soybeans under Joe but stopped each time Trump was installed.